LAST CALL

There's still a chance to get a couple of good seats for tonight's concert, Michael Feinstein, The Sinatra Project, at the Orpheum with the VSO.

Not only is Feinstein a terrific singer and piano player, but he is a musicologist who has made an extensive and personal study of The American Songbook (Gershwin, Kern, Rogers & Hart et al.)

TONIGHT WITH THE VSO

THE MAGICAL MYSTERIOUS VANISHING MAYOR

Has anyone seen Gregor Robertson lately?

Is he at home? In a home? Heading home?

In story after story on Snippity Hall, Councillor Geoff Meggs is the lead man.

Which is fine. Geoff's a grown-up and a reasonable guy.

But where is his His Happiness?

O.K. Wait.

He is in the press today. He's pledging that in 10 years (oh puleeeeze...) Vancouver will be the "Greenest City." No cars. No imported cheese products.

Do the Puppet Masters just let G.R. out for these ceremonial occasions?

I don't recall a less visible mayor.

Which may be a fine thing.

I'm not complaining, just asking.

If you know what Gregor is doing these days or where they have him for safe keeping, let us know, will you?

SAFE CRACK-INHALING ROOMS, PART II

The following comes from Jean, a dear friend.

It was sent in as a comment on yesterdays's posting, but it deserves wider exposure.

Jean has done more good and does more good every day in this field than all the local "experts" combined and then some. All she does is turn out clean and sober citizens.

"I have worked in addictions and mental health treatment for over 28 years and a move toward providing places to smoke crack is most disheartening. This would be "safe" and/or "supervised"? Smoking crack is never safe. What is to supervise? The general public should know that crack addicts smoke crack frequently throughout the day and night, not just once a day! To believe that they will hang out at the government funded facility to continue this habitual behaviour all day and night is naive. They go elsewhere and continue the behaviour. This has a negative effect not just on the addict, but on their families and the community in which they live. It is preposterous to believe that smoking up in a "supervised" setting will lead to treatment or even a reduction in use. I'm bothered that any government offical would try to sell that notion to the public. Sounds more like the government is mandating the slow suicide of persons who are willing to use that type of facility just so they can stay high. Does much else really matter to an addict until they receive a wake up call to straighten out for a while? Not really, because folks, their lives centre around the drug taking behaviour. Period. If we, if the government, really wants to do something about the drug problem in Vancouver or elsewhere, we would put money into treatment and provide motivation for addicts to want to go there."

NO NEWS

The more observant among you may have noticed that there has been no mention in this blog of Jon & Kate or of Balloon Boy.

Over the past several months, I would be channel surfing and I would run across this repulsive little twerp sitting on a couch and yammering some drivel or other.

I'd give him the required 2.5 seconds and move on.

Turns out this is the now famous Jon of Jon & Kate, etc.

But I have the same question now that I had several months ago.

What is Twerp doing on TV in the first place?

Why is that fat ugly rock star and his fat ugly family on TV all the time?

Who is watching this stuff?

Who is watching that hideous Bounty Hunter guy and his hideous Bounty Hunter chick?

As for Balloon Boy...I don't know and I don't care.

Why is this first rate reporter, Anderson Cooper, diluting his franchise with this non-story?

Watching or paying attention to the likes of the above (Anderson excepted, of course) is deleterious to your health.

Be careful out there.

CONSTABULARY NOTES FROM A FRIEND

Question:

How can you tell the difference between a Canadian, Australian, and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:

"You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family."

What do you do?

CANADIAN POLICE OFFICERS
Answer: (Immediate thought processes)

Is the knife a ceremonial kirpan?
Does he prefer to communicate in English or French?
Will this negatively impact my chances of promotion?
Is this just his way of telling me that he pays my wages, and wants my job?
Would this be an appropriate time to hug him and sing Koombaya?
Will the media do a profile of him and how he was loved by everyone including his dog?
Is the alleged 'client' a member of the NDP or an Environmental Group?
Is he just a squeegee kid / pan handler trying to make a living on the mean streets?
Is he a member of a gang that is just 'misunderstood' by society?
Is he an undercover Toronto Star reporter looking for a news breaker?

Is he a recent illegal immigrant to this country, and just doesn't know how to approach the police?
Is he recently released on parole and hasn't been properly integrated back into the community?
Is he a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, and just doesn't understand what he is doing?
Warn and Charter him as he approaches.

AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS

Answer: BANG!


AMERICAN OFFICERS

Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click