SOUND & FURY

This is an election about nothing.

Jack Layton forced the election for the same reason that a dog licks himself - because he can.

This is an election about the three P's: Power, Politics and Putzes.

Harper may or may not be the warmest, cuddliest guy on earth, and you may not think of him first when you ask yourself, "Whom should I invite for coffee this morning?"

But so what? Has he wrecked the country? Has he done anything as criminal as the Liberal Sponsorship mess of a decade ago?

What are the issues for this election?

Health care? (Costs out of control. Service fabulous on Tuesdays, the shits on Wednesdays.) Education? (Third rate. Run by the Teachers' Unions.) Productivity? (Unknown. Less than zero. No skilled labour force. No apprentices.) The military? (Proud and in harm's way every day, unloved and under financed.)

Not at all. None of these issues is at play.

We are one of the least productive nations on earth. Our economy is run entirely by the service industries ("Can I put some Cinnamon sprinkles on that for you, Ma'am?) and foreign grabs on real estate. And the every diminishing natural resources.

No.

This all a vainglorious $300 Million hit in the taxpayers' pocket.

It's all for cheesy sound bites and posturing.

I've reached the point where the sight of Mr. Mustache (Fast Eddy Felson, above) and Professor Iggy Pop actually make me sick.

I don't believe for a second that these stick figures have me or you at heart.

Eat a bagel, don a turban, kiss a baby - I'm throwing up already.

And no sooner will the poop from this Cavalia be shoveled off the sawdust, then we'll have to watch Christy Palin mount her steed and costs us another $100 Million or so.

Try keeping the libraries open instead.