Bad Humour All Round

Let me see if I understand this.

A suicidal man calls 911 for help. Help doesn't arrive for some time. The man kills himself.

Let's be clear about some basics. If a guy is determined to kill himself, sooner or later, he's bound to succeed. Doesn't matter how hard you or I try.

That does not excuse, however, a system that cannot take care of itself or people in crisis who turn to it for help. There were several communications breakdowns and errors in the human chain of non-response here.

Not the least of which was the now alleged bad jokes being made at the time by two cops who were privy to the dispatcher's calls.

But hear this. Jamie Graham, Vancouver's Chief of Police says of all this that he is worried that the officer's attitudes may reveal "a complacency, a callousness, perhaps a bad attempt at black humour that has no place in circumstances of this kind."

And right you are, Chief.

But, soft! What ghost sits on yonder wall?

Isn't this the same Chief of Police who but a few moons ago left a pistol target sheet on the desk of a female City Manager with some clever, cryptic comment about the dangers of public life?

Does the entire Force need urgently a weekend at Comedy School?

Monkey see; monkey do-do.

Rove / Nixon

I thought I had posted this yesterday, but not all things including cyberscience, are perfect.

Watch for karl Rove in this piece as a very young and already deranged campaigner for Nixon.

I'm Taking My Ball & Going Home

It must be fun to be the government.

If you don't like something you just change the rules.

Case in point.

80 year-0ld Victoria School Trustee, John Young, successfully sued the government last September. The B.C. Supreme Court decided that fees could not be charged in public schools for any course leading to graduation. Mr. Young waged this war for a decade because of his admirable belief that poorer parents should not be unnecessarily burdened with the cost of so-called public education.

On Monday, Education Minsiter, Shirley Bond, introduced Bill 20 which will again allow school districts to levy fees for a broad range of activities.

In short - Bah, Humbug.

THE BIG SCARY PLOT

"For more than 40 years, the homosexual activist movement has sought to implement a master plan that has had at its centrepiece the utter destruction of the family. Barring a miracle, the family as it has been known for more than five millennia will crumble, presaging the fall of Western civilization itself."

Guess who said that?

You are right, Bunky!

Dr. James Dobson, founder and Chairman of the Board of Focus on the family. Dr. Dobson is a personal friend and frequent White House guest of the current president.

On one occasion, I questioned on the radio if Focus on the Family had any other legitimate reason for its existence other than pro-active homophobia. They threatened to sue both me and the broadcaster and I had to apologize on the air and note that Focus has many wholesome activities. You can view those activities on their website.

They also review movies. Brokeback must be a favorite.

Now, among all the gay men and women that I know, I have never once heard anyone admit to being a part of "a master plan that has at its centrepiece the utter destruction of the family."

I have heard gay friends talking about centrepieces. That is, floral arrangements for banquets.

So Bill blows Bob and Western civilization crumbles. Now that's power.

Harry Nilsson Everybody's Talking

Of course, Harry Nilsson's most famous and haunting song is the one running over the titles and under the action of one of the best movies ever made - "Midnight Cowboy."
If you have a chance, rent the 25th Anniversary DVD and watch the interviews with Hoffman, Voigt, Schlessinger and Brenda Vacarro for great insights into how actors and directors work. I had the great pleasure of interviewing Vacarro many years ago on the radio and she was a gas...

Bad Behaviour - The Political Norm

Is there such a thing as "respect" in American political life?

The current "debate" about Elizabeth and John Edwards run for the White House would suggest not.

Mrs. Edwards has cancer.

Mr. Edwards is continuing his bid for the Democratic presidential nomination. Mrs. Edwards is working at his side.

This has brought a huge wave of support from millions of Americans, including thousands of cancer survivors, who applaud Mrs. Edwards courage.

It has also brought a tsunami of hateful attacks from the likes of Rush Limbaugh.

Mrs. Edwards has been accused of abandoning her children, among other apparent sins.

These attacks are nothing more than anti-feminism and anti-woman. And they are orchestrated by Republicans and people who call themselves Christians.

Every cancer doctor in the world can tell you that there are 2 basic reactions to the disease. There are those who essentially curl up and die, and there are those who say, "I love life and I will carry on and do my best." The second group live longer and better.

Shame on the political opportunists and the hating, self-hating garbage men with too much time and money on their hands. Better to do good than to do lots.

Everything is Show Biz

Many of you are already persuaded that religion is show business. Certainly there is considerable evidence for that argument. "Elmer Gantry" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" are two of my favorite amusements and they certainly support this notion.

Even so, I like my religion straight, not stirred. If I'm going to service give me an old-fashioned Orthodox Synagogue or the full shpiel Latin Catholic Mass. That has nothing to do with any set of beliefs; only with what I am comfortable and familiar.

Thus, with some sadness and world-weary disgust, do I read the NewsGeek, of all the irrelevant publications on Earth, has come up with a feature called, "The Top 50 Rabbis in America."

Does somebody still read Slime and Newsgeek? Have they run out of comics?

Of course, THE LIST was contrived by 3 show biz executives. Of course, everyone is taking this very seriously and tooting their shofars that their rabbi is high on the list.

What is this - American Idol Rebe?

My 2 favorite rabbis here in town are very different men, one from the other, but they share similar qualities. They are both brilliant intellectually with stunningly fast minds and endless reserves of knowledge and understanding. They are both great teachers. And most importantly, they are both living embodiments of human kindness.

If you told them they were on such a spurious "list," they would both change the subject.

Daily Numbers: Wall Smart

From a good friend come these revelations:

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day. 2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute! 3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year. 4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears +Costco + K-Mart combined. 5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. 6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World. 7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years. 8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie). 9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world. 10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago. 11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal- Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion). 12. 90% of Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

Beeeg Party eeen Venice!

From www.veniceword.com, comes this NEWS.

Twenty kilos of black caviar at 4000 euros a kilo. That is only one item on the expense list that Russian baron Roustam Tariko assembled in organising a party the likes of which had never been seen before in Venice. To celebrate his 45th birthday, he rented the rooms of the Cini Foundation on the island of S.Giorgio, where the guests -- all rigorously masked -- arrived and were greetedby scores of jugglers, actors, and extras. Mr. Tariko, known as "Mister Vodka", controls two-thirds of the Russian vodka market, is one of the richest men inthe world, and spared no expense on his personal celebration. By way of example,the vegetables were embellished by spraying them with edible gold, the wine was among the best Tuscan variety (at least 500 euros per bottle) and, in the"sweets room", there were two fountains that flowed with molten chocolate.

And there are those who are kvetching that Venice has lost its edge...feh!

Kettle Calls World Black

The quote of the month belongs to Anderson Cooper. He actually managed to say last night with a perfectly straight face, “A lot of people are cashing in on the death of Anna Nicole Smith.”

Anyone more than Anderson or Larry King or CNN?

I know nobody – repeat, nobody – who has the faintest interest in this non-story.

The list of legends that were devoured by their own unmanageable celebrity includes Marilyn, Elvis, and James Dean. But it does not include this sad, minor talent and her even sadder young son.

Please, CNN, move on…Try news...

Like, "Arf, already."

A South Korean "scientist" claims that he and his team have cloned a wolf. Or two.

When I read the headline, I thought this will only be credible if the dogs are called "Rufus" and "Rufus." Or, "Shmulley," and "Shmulley Too."

But, now I learn that they are, in fact, called "Snuwolf" and "Snuwollfy."

I'm sorry. That's just a bit much.

Does that mean that every time you want to call one of these phantom, petrie-dish wonders over for a scratch behind the ears, you have to go into the old vaudeville routine, "So...what's New, Wolfie?" Or, what Snuwolffy?

Will the beast reply, "I dunno, Dave. What snu which you?"

The Police Reunion - Roxanne

They rehearsed for days in an empty sound stage at Lion's Gate's North Van Studios. They'll be at GM PLace soon. And here they are at the Grammy's last month. Check out Sting looking and sounding like a 20 year old. This is one amazing guy and fab performer. Check out, as well, Sting on Tony Bennett's CD, "Duets," joining the master saloon singer on "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Berries Buried

It's been some time now since the mainstream media has reported anything more than what the government and corporations have given them.

A shame, really, because there are so many "little" stories worthy of more serious attention.

Like this tiny gem lodged among the dust balls in Richmond.

A man is appointed by the Provincial Liberal government to the land commission in 2002. His name is Peter Dhillon. He is a cranberry grower and formerly the head of the Agricultural land Commission's south coast panel. Some might want to stop the tale right there and cry, "Conflict of interest!" But, forebear.

Mr. Dhillon manages to get Richmond Council to remove 2.5 hectares of his own land from the agricultural reserve and have it rezoned as industrial, a small fortune thus made. This decision by Richmond Council flew in the face of their own staff recommendations against the rezoning.

Hang on.

He's doing it again.

New application for an adjacent 2.5 hectares.

Now, let's be clear.

The Daily Rag has reported all this, and The Rag is my source for this rant. Many thanks.

But we will never hear more of this. We will never find out the how and why and who of this story of corruption and ill-will and disobedience to public service. Will some good reporter follow the money? Will some shoddy truth be exposed?

Don't hold your breath.

John Denver - Sunshine

That old secret cure - SUNSHINE! - has returned this morning.

Here's a guy I didn't really like so much until I interviewed him for CTV, appropriately enough on a hilltop in California. He was delightful - warm and smart and forthcoming.

Ici on Parle Francais

I've been ranting and raving here and on the radio and in print for years now about our reluctance to bring immigrants fully into the mainstream of our economies. Why not qualify doctors, nurses and teachers from other countries as soon as possible and let them contribute and earn as equals to any other Canadian, and so on?

Today, I have a picture from the opposite side of the fence.

On Friday, I phoned a downtown hotel to speak to a friend of mine, who is visiting from New York.

When the young lady at the hotel answered, she said something like, "Foogglarmishtot, Hody, qualpu?"

And I said, "I am sorry. I didn't understand one word you just said."

She repeated, and repeated, and repeated. Eventually I divined that she was, in fact, welcoming me to a downtown hotel and asking how she could help me.

My first unkind thought was to say, "Well, you could start by getting me someone who speaks English!!!"

But as I am now in my new and recent and beatific head space of "Take Life as it comes," I simply asked for the woman to whom I wanted to speak.

Imagine how many times I had to say that woman's name - uh, names, last, first, first, last, both together.

When the hotel operator (if in fact that is what she was) put me on hold, I moved on.

Yes, let's get new Canadians working as soon as possible. Let's allow them the dignity of supporting themselves and their families, let's give them the competitive wage, let's recognize their qualifications from Universities on other continents.

Let's do all that, and let's do it soon.

But could we not ask in exchange that some form of Understandable English be spoken if you have to deal with the public? If you want to live in a ghetto of your own making and speak the language of your Motherland here in Canada, that's your unfortunate choice. But if you are going to answer telephones for a big downtown hotel, shouldn't you speak in the local currency?

And why would a hotel put as their first contact with the public such a handicapped person? Putting me on the front desk at a hotel in Bucharest, Botswana or Bologna is not a great idea.

As we say in the hospitality industry, "Have a nice day."

Or, better yet, "Have a good one." To which I am always tempted to say, "Thanks, but I already do have a good one."

Hunters, Gatherers

Less than a week ago, I wrote here about how oil companies have consistently plundered the territories that make them rich.

This morning, the New York Times has an excellent article on the diamond trade in Sierra Leone.

This is of particular interest because it was only 2 nights ago that I watched "Blood Diamond." The subject and the setting are exactly the stuff of today's NYTimes piece.

Leonardo DiCaprio's character, the adventurer-mercenary, Danny Archer, says it best (in a flawless Rhodesian accent, no less) in the film when he points out that the history of Africa is the history of foreign exploitation. Diamonds, oil, gold, name your holy grail. The world has always come to Africa, and Africa has always been the worse off for it. Last week I talked about the enormous bounty Shell Oil is currently reaping in and around and off the shores of Nigeria, all the while further impoverishing the local people.

Nigeria is but a shiny stone's throw from Sierra Leone.

Read the Times story and weep for the continuing inhumanity of the upright biped.

Singing in the Rain

Here is the original.

It's only one of the best four minutes ever put on film.

Who Elects These People?

I've been thinking this morning about politicians.

More specifically about politicians who do absolutely nothing measurable and yet keep getting elected and re-elected and then elected again.

Why is this?

Gary Lunn is the Federal Minister of Natural Resources for Saanich-The Gulf Islands.

Years ago, folks on Salt Spring island appealed to Mr. Lunn for his help in making good community use of an empty RCMP building. He was hopelessly ineffective.

He's in the news today because he has vigorously defended the federal budget in a presentation to the Board of Trade. That must have been an exciting lunch.

To my knowledge, there is not one thing to which Mr. Lunn, elected in 1997, 2000, 2004 and 2006, can point to with pride and say, "That's real and that's my contribution."

Hedy Fry has been sucking up the air in Parliament since 1993.

I'm a simple guy. Can someone explain these phenomena to me?

Is this all that politics offers? Don't even poltiicians want a personal sense of accomplishment and contribution? Is getting elected and waving your hot air about all they need in this life?

Can't we do better?

The Daily Number

350 billion.

That's the number of American Dollars spent in the past 4 years on the highly successful Iraq War.

100 billion.

That's the number of American Dollars more that the greatest President who ever lived wants to continue the Iraq War.

Sam's New Program

The Mayor has just announced a startling and exciting new initiative.

In his continuing bid for a "civil city" that will play well before the millions of Olympic visitors, Sam has revealed his new HRP - Homey Run Program.

How it works is this. The homeless will be trained to operate rickshaws. That way they will stay healthy and earn minimum wages and be able to afford rent on apartments. The rickshaws will be imported from India and Thailand. Councillor Peter Ladner is considering adding an RL - Rickshaw Lane to the Burrard Street and Granville Bridges.