You Need Not Apply

Global Television is advertising (It's easy and cheap for them to advertise; they own the paper.) for Future Broadcasters. More accurately for "Broadcasters of the Future Awards."

Who is eligible?

Aboriginals, Visible Minorities and the Physically Disabled.

That's good.

And what about broadcasters? That is, The Skilled, the Trained, the Talented, the Disciplined?

Not that any of the categories of aboriginal, visible minority or physically disabled are automatically excluded from the realms of Merit.

But where, exactly, is Merit in this equation?

LET'S MAKE A DEAL!

Mayors of small towns - Come on Down!

Owners of Big venues, like, say, Hockey Arenas - Come on Down!

RCMP officers who are given specific warning of murderous disasters - Come on Down!

Well, isn't that a lovely front page this morning?

Dirk Dorkhead, the mayor of some village in God's Country takes a $2,000 payment to his driving school (Are you on the floor howling already?) and years later, without ever explaining what this cheque could possibly be for, denies he did any wrong.

They have churches up there, don't they? They have schools. They have parents. At what point in Dirk's cheesy, little life did he miss out on the Right and Wrong Lesson?

3 arenas, 3 different deals - Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you your Olympics.

Only one question: When all of these millions of tax payers dollars are going to this fab event, why is there so little transparency or accountability? Sorry, for asking. Just a curious citizen.

And then there's Air India.

Kill the Prime Minister. Blow up the Toronto subway. Lovely.

And then the revelation that the man who is now Ontario's lieutenant-governor gave the RCMP specific warning about a planned bombing for June 22-23, 1985 and they "hissed" at him.

I don't know about you, kids. But if the weather holds out, I'm going to play tennis this afternoon. And I'm really, really going to HIT some tennis balls....

One Big Rant

ITEM: "Rape Victim Sues Mountie." Good. And may all the families of those murdered and raped by dangerous, psychopathic parolees sue the psychiatrists and Parole Board members who released these ticking bombs into the community. And may all the families of the Air India atrocity sure the RCMP. CSIS and the government of Canada.

ITEM: "Fraser Health Authority Faces Hospital Staff Revolt." The CEO of this costly, unnecessary bureaucracy sent a letter to all the employees and doctors, which begins, "We have outlined to our executive directors, medical directors and directors a number of strategies...etc" This is asking everyone to tighten their belts.

But the good CEO doesn't see the irony and dark humour in his own missive. One of the very reasons they are deep, deep doodoo is that they have a top-heavy tepee filled with expensive chiefs. The directors of the directors of the directors, all happily in six figures.

My own doctor tells me this morning that current buzz-words being used to hide the DISASTER are phrases like, "flex beds," (translation: a gurney in the hall) and "bed mapping," (translation: We're still trying to find a bed. How about Bellingham or Calgary?)

Langley Hospital will cut out the Langley Maternity Clinic.

And you wonder why we have to depend on immigration to grow the country.

ITEM: Restaurants close on Cambie Street due to Canada Line construction. Did it ever occur to the so-called planners to compensate these small businesses for loss of business? In many cases now, loss of business means, BYE, BYE, END OF STORY. Why not sue Transclunk and the Province?

ITEM: "Green Party Leader Sorry for Nazi Reference." No. Sorry, Liz. Your so-called apology includes another swipe at the Prime Minister. I love when people apologize but strike out at others in the next breath. yah, that's very believable, very sincere, extremely heartfelt.

Bernie Farber, the CEO of the Canadian Jewish Congress, said that he was impressed by May's sincerity. I guess Bernie is easily impressed. Bernie, get smarter than this. Elizabeth, get outta here.

But aside from all that, it's a wonderful life and a wonderful day.

Elvis Costello - Shipbuilding Live

Is it Jazz? Is it Rock? Is it American Idol? No, it's our generation's Elvis, and it's damn good...

Sheila Fraser for Pope!

One looks forward year after year to the Auditor-General's reports.

Ms. Fraser never disappoints.

A litany of monies wasted, projects never completed, bureaus expanded in all directions at once, right hands having no idea what lefts are doing, it is YOUR GOVERNMENT ON PARADE...

Have you ever been to Ottawa? Have you ever seen the External Affairs complex, block after brick block of it?

According to Sheila, the Deaprtment has no idea how it spends your money, no direction, no coherence, no reasonable future.

Ms. Fraser is Canada's greatest asset. Put her on coins and bills. Give her the throne, houses in the country, greyhounds and falcons. She's my all-time fave.

We are Being Protected?

Our quote of the week is a clear winner.

It comes from retired justice John Major, commenting on the RCMP's defenseless claims that they "overlooked" certain informations that could have prevented the deaths of 331 people in the Air India bombings.

"Oversight is not filling your dog's dish with water."

Runner-up in the quote category was the Pearson Airport RCMP genius, who said, "I do not feel there is a need for extra security by this force."

Of course, the officer was half-right. A half-wit who was half-right. What with all the telexes and other warnings from a number of sources -revealed now after more than 20 years! -that disaster was but a breath around the corner, of course there should have been a number of actions taken, including increased and vigilant security at several Canadian airports. What he was right about, however, was adding "by this force."

Clearly, the RCMP and CSIS are a bumbling Clouseau, stepping blithely in fountains and killing innocent people while they dither.

To read these details of incompetence now is to tear your hair out, to scream with frustration and agony and to weep for the lives lost, the families bereaved and the shame of the braggart killers who still walk amongst us.

How Much was That?

Can you say "Litigious," Boys and Girls?

Our friend Martin, who is getting married on Saturday, by the way, sends us this unbelievable yet true story from Washington, DC, where a judge is suing a little neighbourhood dry cleaners, run by a family of Korean immigrants, for $67 Million for a pair of lost pants.

We are not making this up. Read and shake your head here. Only in America.

Ms. May Must Go

Elizabeth May is the leader of the Green Party in Canada.

She has no place in public life.

On Sunday, she delivered a sermon/political speech to a congregation at a London, Ontario United Church.

She is unhappy with Mr. Harper's environmental policies. Many of us are.

But in an act both hysterical and demonstrative of a clear lack of knowledge and understanding of history, Ms. May raised the stakes.

She described the Prime Minister's plan to deal with global warming as "worse than Neville Chamberlain's appeasement of the Nazis."

This is what Ms. May and so many others fail to grasp.

There are no other people like the Nazis. There were only the Nazis. And their crimes were not, as Hannah Arendt and so many others have made clear over the intervening years, were not crimes against 17 Jews or 6 Million Jews or some homosexuals and some Catholics and some intellectuals and some gypsies.

The crimes of the Nazis were crimes against humanity. All of human nature. All human beings.

The Nazis declared, calmly and reasonably, that some categories of people had no inherent right to BE.

I will stop.

The moment Elizabeth May compares a public policy about climate change by the elected Prime Minister of a democratic country to Nazis is exactly the moment she declares herself to be wholly ignorant and unworthy of public office.

May has since refused to back down in her hideous accusation, and the leader of the Federal Liberal party is still committed to a coalition with this fool.

We Were Warned.

Air India must be the worst case of mishandled injustice in Canadian History.

Now we learn that informants and RCMP warned higher-ups well in advance about the plans to bomb an aircarft, and that these warnings were ignored.

The man who built the bombs got 5 years and told us nothing.

The men who planned this monstrosity are free and very public.

Shame on all of us. How do the surviving family members get out of bed each morning?

Ken is Offended

Ken is offended.

He should try it from over here.

What do we see?

We see an excellent civil servant, who no doubt knows many people and many things and no doubt is most efficient at getting things done. Good.

We also see a guy who makes an outrageous amount of money - ALL FROM THE PUBLIC PURSE - working for several masters at once. Not so good, Ken.

Ken doesn't like being called names.

"Lobbyist" is a dirty word in Ken's book. Ouch. Too bad, Ken. That what ya are.

And here's the really really arrogant part. Everything Ken does, he does "in the public interest."

What a nice man. How grateful we all are.

No Sons?

An op-ed piece in the Sun this morning goes on repeatedly about the dangers of plastic bottles to "our daughters." "Our daughters" this, "our daughters" that...

Is this the height of political correctness? Or is this the new Guerrilla Warfare?

Only later, much later, in the article does the writer, Shelley Page, mention that, oh yes, this could also affect..wait for it...boys!

There is something most peculiar about this kind of writing and publishing.

I'LL BET YOU...

"Deal or No Deal," NBC's hit game show is a diabolically clever piece of work.

It pretends to be about hopes and dreams and courage and guts and all kinds of other all-American delusions.

In fact, it is entirely about greed and vanity.

And, of course, Beautiful Babes.

Which means it plays on at least three of the oldest traits of man. The show is positively biblical.

Last night, a charming and amusing young man was the contestant. His name is Pyong Kong. He is a Korean American. He clogs and sings karaoke (quite well, actually) and his wife, his brother, his best friend and both his immigrant parents were in the studio cheering him on.

The host is Howie Mandel, who in other incarnations was a child-like manic stand-up, then a serious actor on a weekly TV hospital melodrama, then a TV talk show host. Mr. Mandel, a Canadian, is an enormously talented guy, who I am sure could do almost anything in the various worlds of performance. He is quick-witted and self-assured and charming. He also knows what cannot be taught. He knows how to use his voice and his body and the audience and the camera to his own and the show's best advantage. Where lesser players would shout, Howie will say something of great import quietly, almost - but not quite - off-handedly.

So, last night, Mr. Kong was beating the board. He had placed himself after 45 of the 60 minutes allotted to the show in the position of having the company (represented by a shadowy figure on high, who cellphones Howie with offers) offer him $289,000 if he would stop playing the game.

The young man had nothing when he came into the studio. He told us all that he needed money for their honeymoon and for the down payment on a house. He told us that his parents had come to America with $750. He clearly wanted to say, "No deal!" take the cash and get out of there.

But then...

And this exact same scenario happened again tonight with an arrogant, little tennis player who told us that she wanted to pay off her student loans and go to University to study pharmacy. She worked the game until the house offered her $299,000 to quit.

Anybody watching, anybody with a brain, anybody not caught up in the heat of the bright lights and the screaming Coliseum-like crowd, anybody not switched on by greed and ego would say at this point, "Hey! I just beat the house. They're offering me a small fortune. I'm outta here!"

But, this, of course, is exactly what did not happen two nights in a row.

In the end, both gambled, both lost and both went home with pretty good sums, but considerably less than they could have.

And until those barfacious moments, this is a gripping, silly entertainment.

In the end, it becomes a confirmation of our worst suspicions of human nature.

This is not Masterpiece Theatre.

That's both a good and a bad thing.

Everything is My Movie - Back Off!

"'scuse me, 'scuse me, 'scuse me."

Or, if you're trying to get off the vaparetto in Venice and pushing past the human walls in your way, "Permesso, permesso..."

But we have a starkly different sensibility here at home.

Today, nobody can tell me nuttin' cause the world is here entirely for my amusement.

Yesterday, I left my friend sitting on the patio of a cafe near English Bay while I went inside to visit the bathroom. Actually, it was more than a visit. I intended to pee. In fact, I did pee.

But to get to the bathroom, I had to say, ever so quietly and politely, "Excuse me, please," to a young couple who were standing on the narrow carpet, waiting to place their orders.

The man looked at me with pure, desalinated hate.

Yes, hate.

How dare I ask important Him and lovely Her to do anything unplanned that might not profit them or might even for a moment, yes, inconvenience them?

On my return, they saw my approach and moved a few inches back, but with such monumental put-out fussiness, you could have read it from the back row at Covent Garden.

Theft is Theft. When Will These Criminals Be Charged?

Not only has the war in Iraq been an unmitigated disaster from any point of view, it has also been a huge act of theft. Theft of public funds, that is.

Do yourself a favor and read this piece from yesterday's NY Times, which chronicles the billions of taxpayers' dollars spent on projects unfinished and abandoned.

To see Cheney and Bush continue to lie so blatantly to the world public is stomach turning.

Can Gordo Be far Behind?

Business Week writes about how private companies such as Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and Carlysle Group are buying up private infrastructure such as key roads, airports and bridges (Golden Gate for $3.4 billion and Brooklyn Bridge for $3.5 billion, for example. Cities supposedly think this is a great idea because they get money they can spend on other things.

I don't understand why this is even considered.

You don't put basic infrastructure like this in private hands, because it allows monopoly pricing. They will squeeze the most money out of it they can, and that will be the majority of the surplus value produced by the roads. Since they will set the cost to maximize profits, it will be above what a proportion of the population and a proportion of businesses can afford (check a supply/demand curve to see what I mean - you get a lot more use at price = 0, and you get a lot more money if you price a lot of people out of the market).

What this will mean is that a lot of businesses will go under (or never be created), a lot of people won't travel even short distances (which will strangle businesses that need those travellers, price certain people out of certain jobs) and will in general reduce economic activity.

However much money any government gets in the short term, it will lose more from reduced taxes due to reduced economic activity and reduced economic growth in the long term. (ie. it isn't just people who use the roads/airports/bridges who lose)

And odds are, you'll eventually have to either regulate these things to keep prices reasonable (at which point the companies will start shorting on maintainance) or you'll have to buy them back at a huge markup.

All of the foregoing comes from Crooks and Liars, which I have emailed to me each morning. I've added it to my Links list(on the right), and I use it here frequently.

I've posted this item today because it makes me wonder how long it will take for Mr. Campbell to try again to sell off various roads and other British Columbia infrastructures.

Modern Life is So Daunting

I'm confused.

Why would David Suzuki, Canada's most renowned environmentalist, allow his name to be attached to a SUV?

Art Imitating ...???

Talk about a "post-ing!"

From the "National POST," comes one of their photos of the week.

"A staff cleans a sculpture during preparations for a sex culture exhibition in Kunming, southwest China's Yunnan province April 24, 2007. The exhibition begins April 25. (CHINA)"

Kunming???

Oooo-La-La

At last.

An ad we can understand. An ad we can relate to. An ad we can look at.

I am a heart patient. Two years ago, I had an angioplasty. By the time the cold weather returns, I will be 65. And my sex life is dyno-mite!

You know what sex is good for?

Almost everything.

And love is even better.

You want a cure? Love somebody. Get loved. Fall in love.

The British Heart Foundation is right on the money.

Whooopa-T-ay-oh!

Transclunk is Dead! Long Live...uh...er...

Nothing could be worse than Transclunk, right? Dozens of unelected, unaccountable mandarins spending billions of your tax dollars on buses that don't work. What could possibly be worse?

Let's not hold our breath just yet, kids. The SCBCTAA -we're not making this up, sounds like an old Bob & ray routine, I know, but this is really it - The South Coast British Columbia Transportation Authority Act will rid us for once and for all of the Goofy Mayors Parade.

Unfortunately, it may be replaced by an equally unaccountable, anonymous secretive group of hyper-managers.

This is a mighty fine mess you've gotten us into, Kevin...uh. Ollie...

Ooops, Pooops...Jolly Green Giant Slays Harper

Al Gore has denounced Canada's Green Plan, calling it a "fraud."

Now, watch David Suzuki stopping Environment Minister, John Baird, in his green tracks.