Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cash & Miscarry


Say...

You might want to start carrying a lot of cash with you the next time you venture down to the BC Ferry terminal in your neck of the woods.

Seems the high-priced talent from the New York airline business who now runs our system, David Hahn, (Well, when I say "our" maybe this is wishful thinking at best...) can't quite get a handle on securing our credit card information.

Seems that if you make a few transactions with BC Ferries, like say paying for your car and you and your partner and then splurging on a burger and fries and a coke and maybe a newspaper and a book of crossword puzzles, why then pretty soon there are about 3,000 unprotected pieces of secret information about your credit card roaming around out there in cyberspace where any average crook can hack and use, hack and use.

Gary Mason, as he often does, has all the rich comic details today.

But, as he reassuringly points out, no sweat.

Everything will be tickettiboo by...well, say, by October or November.

Meantime, kids - carry cash.

My Liberties, Not Yours



On Tuesday, I wrote in this space about the Firehall Art Controversy. (Artful Dodges.)

Today we offer - with thanks to our buddy Al Arsenault, long time Vancouver Police Man and film maker with Odd Squad - these two examples of art that were not in the quiet confines of a fire hall, but plastered on every thing that could stand and that were peculiarly not objected to by the BC Civil Liberties.

Funny how that works...

Say It Isn't So


The Donner Prize is given every year for best new book on Canadian public policy.

On the list this year is "Who Owns the Arctic?: Understanding Sovereignty Disputes in the North," by Michael Byers.

Byers is a friend whose work I admire, so I pleased to see him on the list.

Way beyond not pleased is how I might describe my reaction to another possible winner.

Actually being considered by the Donner jury - and thus disqualifying themselves from the world of common sense, let alone an understanding of public policy - is a fake non-book allegedly written by Larry Campbell, Neil Boyd and Lori Culbert.

This piece, which to date has sold about seven deserving copies, is called "A Thousand Dreams: Vancouver's Downtown Eastside and the Fight for its Future."

Even the title is a deceit.

The book, written by Sun reporter Culbert, is really all about that great contribution to humanity, the Insite safe injection site.

This drivel - an attempt to legitimize and enshrine truly bad public policy in Christmas wrapping - may or may not win the prestigious award for which it is so inappropriately nominated.

But you can be assured of finding bent and broken copies in remainder bins at bargain prices soon.

As for Campbell and Boyd, they are - praise the Lord - safely tucked away in Really Big Institutions (the Senate and SFU) where they can do the least public harm.

Who? Yah, Who?

Friday, April 9, 2010

This is How They Spend Your Money



Did you know that Parliament’s Board of Internal Economy, which governs the use of all wireless devices, allows every MP to dispense four of those devices to whomever they see fit?

And that many, many, many MPs give one to their spouse.

The MP in this case is Helena Guergis, Minister of State for the Status of Women.

Make that former Minister, etc.

Because as of a few hours ago, she has resigned.

The lovely spouse/louse in this case id Guergis husband Rahim Jaffer, the former MP who was recently charged with drunk riving and cocaine possession.

Seems Mr. J. liked to use his wife's parliamentary issued Blackberry to phone and text potential business associates while pleading contracts for new deals.

That would be one of the Blackberry's that you and I pay for in taxes.

Sidebar question before we proceed:

Why does anyone need four or more cell phones?

Why should the hard-pressed to meet monthly responsibilities Canadian taxpayer pay for anything like this?

To continue...

Now, Mr. Jaffer has been asked to take the Conservative party logo off his website as he no longer has anything to do with the Conservative party...anything that is other than calling everyone he knows and playing on the fact that he once met someone and once had dinner with someone and therefore can get you almost anything you want from his Friends in government.

Let me be clear.

I detest Jaffer from another movie.

Some years ago, when I was doing a nightly talk show on a local radio station, Jaffer had agreed to a telephone interview from Edmonton with one of my day-time colleagues.

The interview happened as planned.

The only problem was that the man having the conversation with our broadcaster was not Jaffer, but some bum-boy assistant who was posing as Jaffer.

Jaffer's excuse for this deranged subterfuge?

He was busy and thought he'd just let his assistant pretend to be him.

Whatsa problem?

How sociopathic is that?

In all my years of broadcasting, in all my years of drinking milkshakes, playing street hockey, reading books, traveling in Europe and cooking dinners, I have never heard of such a thing before or since.

This deeply creepy man was elected to Parliament.

The day after he was not elected to Parliament, he married Guergis, who today resigned.

These two are the poster children for everything that is self-absorbed and narcissistic and wrong with Life on Earth as We Know It.

I will run for Parliament in the next election. You can pretend to be me. I will give you Blackberry's. We will all have dinner with the Prime Minister. Canada is good. Oh, yes.

What a Deal!


I am selling my house.

One potential buyer left with this pithy comment, "Too many trees!"

Oh?

You know how many trees I have in my yard?

Exactly one.

Of course, you can always choose to pay a few million for a 600 square foot glass box on the 32nd floor of some coke-dealing day care centre in the downtown core.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Deep Stink


I am not a lobbyist.

I just call Ministers of the government on their cell phones and threaten them.

My calls go like this:

"If you don't do what we want, we won't build what you want. So there."

Thus goes the saga of poor little picked on Ricky Turner.

Turner is, among other things the head of ICBC.

On behalf of Paragon Development Ltd. he phoned Tourism Minister Kevin Krueger and warned him that if the province didn't build that retractable roof for BC Place, well, his company may just not be inclined to build a very big or very nice casino/hotel complex next door.

Maybe just a few slots and a 10-room cabin style motel.

Now what this good and honorable non-lobbyist is talking about here, folks, is that the provincial government spend HALF A BILLION TAX DOLLARS on a fancy new roof for the football slash car show slash boat show field.

In other words...

A private businessman - who just happens conveniently to have very deep government connections - tells the government if you want a good casino and hotel downtown from us, you'll just have to spend HALF A BILLION PUBLIC DOLLARS.

OK?

Now why is anyone getting his sweats in a knot and calling this routine way of doing business here lobbying or undue influence or any other nasty things like that?

Why?

Now, the nasty old NDP have raised questions and asked the official watchdog to see if anything untoward has been going on here.

Those spoilsports!

Troublemakers!

Always causing a ruckus when we're just trying to get things done around here.

By the way...

I'd like to phone the honorable minister and talk to him about a few of my pet ideas.

But I seem to have misplaced his cell number...

Rick?

Fox in the Hen House


B.C. has the lowest per-capita spending on prescription drugs in Canada.

One of the main reasons for that is our independent drug review panel, which is recognized around the world as just about the best thing that could happen to a district trying to ensure that medications are real and effective and that they don't bankrupt the neighbourhood.

Now, the Liberal government is thinking about messing with that body by a) reducing the budget; and b) adding to it representatives of the drug industry.

This is exactly categorically who should NEVER be on such a panel.

Big Pharma, along with armaments, oil and illegal drugs is one of the grandest businesses in the world and one of the most corrupt.

The routine buying of favors and endorsements and opinions of doctors by drug manufacturers has been documented a thousand and one times.

Ditto the collusion between Big Pharma and drug stores, pharmacies and hospitals.

The Therapeutic Initiatives here in B.C. is a clean program that saves lives and money.

Why would Kevin Falcon want to spoil that?

One of my Sports Heroines

Best of the Bunch

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Cut the Fat, Not the Programs


At the top of the local news are two announcements that add volumes to the picture of the provincial government and its priorities.

B.C. health authorities asked to slash $45-million from budget


Vancouver board to lay off dozens of staff, close school, drop 10 days


Both stories are worth a read.

Both stories should be balanced against recent news about Big New Casinos and Hotels, New Roof for the Stadium and all the other MONUMENTAL distractions in Gordo Land.



But let's focus on that first story, the one about Health Minister Kevin Falcon telling everyone to tighten their belts.



If only he had the faintest idea what he was talking about.



There is a new program here in this province that helps people with very difficult problems. I am being circumspect about this program because I admire their work and I don't want to cause them any more troubles than they already have. Now this program has been in business for decades in other jurisdictions, where they receive block funding for their excellent work. But, here in enlightened British Columbia, where we have all these munificent Health Authorities, every single person that enters this program for help is fought over by 14 different levels of government. Payments and authorities are delayed, beds are left empty and the suffering stay out on the street because of bureaucratic meddling of the worst and silliest kind. If Mr. Falcon would like to save money, I can show him how in three minutes. Not only would he save money, he'd get real work done and get real help to real people who need it. I'll tell you what I won't be doing the next few days. I won't be waiting by my phone holding my breath.

Sshhhh...we're Canadians, Part 9,876,243


Congratulations Canada!

We have come up with a new oxymoron - one that will rival even Liquor Control Board.

It is called The Afghanistan Public Interest Hearings.

The only problem - and the thing that qualifies this little side show for oxy status - is that these "Public Hearings" are being held in secret.

Not only have the media and the public (Remember them? Yech! Dirt under their fingernails, dontcha know?) been barred from these august proceedings, but the Military Police Complaints Commission hung a curtain, or veil, across the doors so that nobody could even glimpse the party inside.

Now let's focus on the 'reasoning' here.

It's an old familiar one.

It's the one that is always a give-away.

It always tells us that the stench of mendacity is high.

Here is comes...

NATIONAL SECURITY.

Whenever you hear that old saw being hauled out of the cupboard, head for the hills and grab the ammunition as you go.

The Globe editorial nails it today with their piece aptly titled

Public interest goes private

Read it and re-discover the people you have elected.

Odd Fact of the Day


More than 2,300 corner stores - six a day, or about 10 per cent of the total number of locations across Canada - closed last year, with contraband tobacco sales siphoning off more than $2.5-billion in sales and $260-million in profits during that time, according to a study released yesterday by the Canadian Convenience Stores Association.

Now, that's inconvenient.

It's also a prime example of The Law of Unintended Consequences.

The government in its endless wisdom keeps adding tax to the retail price of cigarettes.

The goal is twofold: Get more revenue and discourage smokers from smoking.

Ha!

Real result in the real world populated by ordinary folk?

The enormous rise of criminal enterprise, tax money being siphoned off into illegal activities and smokers smoking as much if not more than ever.

Brilliant!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

ARTFUL DODGES


ITEM:

The BC Civil Liberties is unhappy about a piece of art hanging in a fire hall in the Downtown East Side.

The offending scribble calls the neighbourhood the "Skids" and it shows among other things, the Grim Reaper and a hypo needle.

In other words, it is a clumsy expression of how some of the fire fighters feel about the place where they work.

But soft...

We can't have freedom of expression, not in perfectly perfect British Columbia, where it is deeply offensive to call an addict a "dope fiend."

“Our concern is this image is actually an image that reflects a discriminatory view of people with addiction issues and of the Downtown Eastside neighbourhood as the skids."

Oy Gevalt!

You must never discriminate against people who break into your condo or your SUV to steal even the tiniest piece of your property because they have a sickness and a problem, so be nice.

Lorna Bird, a member of the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users, who has lost two daughters to drugs, said she was appalled by the possible messages from the mural. “It’s disgusting,” she said.

VANDU is an organization that argues that using heroin is a reasonable and legitimate choice for people and they have the right to use heroin and be treated with respect.

You might think that some one who has suffered the great tragedy of losing children to drugs would want to do everything in her power to help people avoid using drugs.

But no.

Not in the twisted logic that governs the DTES.

A Globe and Mail investigation last year concluded that more than $1.4-billion in public and private money has been spent in the last decade to deal with health, social and justice issues in the area.

And, as we all know, these monies have accomplished so much.

So now, the Firemen will have to take down their home-grown art.

Will there be an Art Committee run by the Portland Hotel to approve further excursions into the dangerous realm of self-expression?

Now every piece of art, every song, every poem in the city will have a BC Civil Lib stamp on it before it finds the light of day?

ITEM:

Toronto's Centre for Addiction and Mental Health will spend upward of $100 Million on three new buildings in the core of the city.

That's nice.

Their claims about a new millennium in treating people because of these buildings are laughable.

The CAMH is a huge dollar-munching empire with very few known or demonstrable results, other than research papers that tell us that more short people in Halifax are smoking Menthol Lites on Tuesdays than ever before.

Take that $100 million and distribute it please to programs across the nation that are struggling to pay the bills while they actually provide real and effective treatment on a shoestring.

ITEM:

Vic Toews, Canada's Public Safety Minister (Are you feeling safer already?) has proclaimed that certain types of criminals cannot be rehabilitated.

He is right.

And we should be cognizant of that fact and act accordingly in our sentencing, our jailing and our releasing from prisons.

BUT...

To challenge the thousands of pardons and paroles that have worked and are working is just plain silly.

Yes, granting a pardon to a high-profile sex offender is flat stupid.

But that glaring error speaks only of itself and should not be a reflection of the almost 10,000 other pardons that have been reasonable and effective.

So Harper called Toews on Easter Sunday or whatever.

So all that tells us is that, behind Mr. Harper's cool exterior, lurks a knee-jerk hysteric.

For which, by the way, there is no known cure.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Fast-food eating rats behave like heroin addicts


So claims a Vancouver Sun headline this morning.

But never fear, children.

You are not in Alberta where the mere sight of a rat sends everyone scurrying to the Guinness Book of Records to rescind the claim that the province has none.

No.

You are nestled smack in the bosom of Vancouver, the world's most progressive city, home to the Chicken in Every Garden Philosophy and originator of mankind's greatest social contribution, Insite, the safe injection place for heroin addicts.

(This is not to be confused with wheeled luggage, which is mankind's greatest scientific breakthrough of all time.)

Just in the nick of time, Vancouver has signed an agreement - by the way, I am breaking this story right here before your eager, worshipful eyes - with a certain gigantic arched hamburger, fries and a coke chain.

Knowing that rats can no easier resist salt, fat and sugar than a teen can do without an iPod, this wonderful new Public-Private Partnership (The Three Holy P's) will see a facility soon open - where else? - in the bustling Downtown East Side - that will offer a Double Cheeseburger, fries and a diet Coke combo - only one a day! - to qualifying rats.

On special days, when Robson Street is closed to traffic and seniors have to hike home to their cute little apartments west of Denman, the Mayor will personally ride his bike across the second greatest achievement in modern history, the Burrard Street bike lane, and volunteer at the new Rat-a-tat-tat safe burger joint.

Knowing that rats will often turn on their handlers and attack their pet fowl, the Mayor will, on these occasions, leave his Rhode Island Hen at home in his backyard.

On days when I despair momentarily for race relations in South Africa, the Pope's handling of pedophilia in the Church, the endless conflict between Israel and practically everyone else, and John Travolta's undying loyalty to Scientology, I need only turn my attention to My Own Town.

Soon there's a new smile on my puss and all is right with the world.

Say...were you going to eat that last fry?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

In the Flesh


In the '90's, Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson, the wonderful actor-singers who played Jesus and Judas in the 1973 Norman Jewison film, came to Vancouver several times with a great stage version of "Jesus Christ Superstar."

It was my great pleasure to hang out with these two guys and get to know them a bit.

Neeley was wonderfully laid-back and relaxed and gracious.

Anderson was intense and dedicated and political.

Anderson died at a very young age in 2004.

On stage they were magnificent and electrifying.

Seasonal Plea

Old Mother Hubbard


Do you eat sardines?

Do you always keep one or two cans of sardines in the cupboard...just in case?

I mean...just in case you feel the urge for a fishy snack or want to top the salad or pasta with something sharp and oily and healthy?

I keep tins of tuna and salmon in the cupboard for exactly these occasions.

They are cheap and heart-smart and simple and have long shelf lives.

When I add tuna or salmon to a salad or pasta - as I will tonight (papardelle with green beans, peppers, tomatoes and fish) - I mix and mash the fish first in a bowl with Dijon mustard.

[Sidebar - Did you know that Dijon mustard last year left the town of Dijon for some obscure economical reasons and moved down the road to one of those French hyphenated places that would be impossible to put on a small jar? Like, Surneims-aux-Plaxeville...or something like that.]

Back to sardines.

The sardine has fallen on hard times.

Or at least, sardine production in the Americas has fallen on hard times.

In Prospect Harbour, Maine, it is an endgame for sure.

The NY Times headline
is conclusive: Last Sardine Cannery in the U.S. Is Clattering Out.

If you Google "Canadian fish canneries," you get 140,000 responses in 0.37 seconds, which sounds fishy to me and gives me a nosebleed.

But how many are sardines I cannot guess.

You certainly don't see sardines on restaurant menus, do you?

Well, you do in Venice, where there is a famous and delicious local dish of sardines and raisins.

Confession.

Among my happy tins of salmon and tuna, awaiting their fate atop the next pasta or salad or pasta salad, are very few and very occasional tins of sardines.

I guess that is one of the few signs that I haven't totally yet succumbed to senility and toast and tea.

Soon enough, I know.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

How It Works


So he's a big Liberal donor.

And ICBC Chair.

And former Chair of BC Lottery.

And involved with Paragon Developments.

And an Edgewater Casino shareholder.

So what if he calls a provincial government cabinet minister with some warnings about how projects may or may not go if certain things are or are not done?

No Problem!

This is Supernatural British Columbia.

Where a little discreet call from the right guy to another right guy is not called Corruption, it's called Business as Usual.

Just one question, if we may.

Do the teachers or the nurses or the doctors or the addiction workers have this kind of grease? This kind of access?

No?

Really?

What a strange place this GordoLand is.

Cluck, cluck. City Calling!


Apartment dwellers will not be allowed to keep chickens on their patios.

This is one of the rules.

And what a relief it is.

This is a part of a 36-page report from city staff to city council.

This is what your city does.

The rules are very detailed, and don't worry if you get tired of having chickens in your yard after a while.

Someone on Saltspring Island is starting a retirement home for chickens.