Guilty Pleasures

The first time I saw "The Talented Mr. Ripley" (1999), I was disappointed.

And that was even before I learned that the original complete title was "The Mysterious Yearning Secretive Sad Lonely Troubled Confused Loving Musical Gifted Intelligent Beautiful Tender Sensitive Haunted Passionate Talented Mr. Ripley."

But over the years, as I have seen it many, many times on TV, it has become one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Like "The Way We Were" (1973), which I actually walked out of in disgust, but now I cannot help but watch every time it appears on the box, "Ripley" falls into that large category we can call Not a Great Movie By Any Stretch, But Boy Do I Ever Enjoy Watching it.

Look at the list of Oscar winners involved in "Ripley."

Anthony Minghella, Director (The English Patient); Matt Damon (Good Will Hunting); Gwyneth Paltrow (Shakespeare in Love); Cate Blanchett (The Aviator) and Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote.)

An that's not even counting Jude Law, who as Dickie Greenleaf almost stole the movie entirely. Except, of course, for Hoffman's wonderful turn as the too-clever-for-his-own-good-by-a-half Freddie Miles.

What keeps drawing me back to this schlock?

Well, the fact that much of it is filmed in Italy doesn't hurt as I have spent a lot of time over the last 15 years there, so just seeing many of those locations and hearing the language sends me back vicariously.

The central character, Tom Ripley, makes up much of his life as he goes along, following always some curious inner script.

Without copping to murder or any other crimes, I can identify with that.

Ripley, of course, is the creation of the great writer, Patricia Highsmith, who continued Ripley's lunatic adventures in a few other novels.

"Ripley's Game" (2002), with John Malkovich as an adult and still treacherous conniver, is not nearly as good a flick, but two things make it thoroughly watchable.

The first, of course, is Malkovich, who could make reading a Wikepedia entry on practically anything watchable.

And the second is the Palladian mansion used as Ripley's house in the movie. It's worth the price of the rental just to take an inside look at one of the great designs by one of the world's greatest architects.

And speaking of Highsmith...

Last night, TCM ran the movie version of her book, "Strangers on a Train" (1951), a wonderful classic from Alfred Hitchcock.

This terrific film, includes among other great moments, Hitch getting on a train carrying a bass fiddle. Hahahaha!

Farley Granger and Robert Walker, both huge stars at the time had curiously shortened careers.

Walker, because he died at such a young age. He was an alcoholic, and a combination of medicines provided by his shrink killed him.

Granger, because, although he has continued to work sporadically in films and TV all his life, he really hated Hollywood and bolted for New York, where he enjoyed working for some years on stage.

Granger was married for a short while to Shelley Winters.

I had the pleasure of spending an hour on the telephone with Shelley Winters, broadcasting in 1983. She told me that she called him "Farfel," which is basically matzoh crushed up into little pieces for baking or for a breakfast cereal. When I was a kid, who knew from Corn Flakes? I practically lived on farfel until my obsession with kosher hot dogs kicked in.

"Strangers on a Train," by the way, is currently being re-made.

Why?

It's only perfect as is.

Our Bond is Our Word?

Goldman Sachs has been a gold-plated crook for some time now.

Yesterday it didn't have a really good day.

It lost about 12 and half BILLION dollars.

That's because the Securities and Exchange Commission has filed a civil lawsuit against the Wall Street giant.

Saying they sold a poop can designed to fail.

The only thing shocking about this revelation is how long it has taken authorities to get moving on the case.

Stand

AHOUSAT, B.C. — Twelve residents of this aboriginal community northwest of Tofino have been told they've got until Monday to get treatment for drug and alcohol problems or get out of the community.

Now that's encouraging in at least one respect.

A community has stood up and said, "These are our values. Get with the program or get lost.'

More folks need to say that.

From families to neighbourhoods to cities to provinces.

That's the good news.

The bad news is HUH?

What treatment?

Where?

Who's going to pay for this?

Just watch the Island Health Board screw up the stick handling on this one.

John Frank, chief councillor of the Ahousaht First Nation, said the original deadline was this week, but more time was given so lawyers could clarify wording on the eviction letters.

"They've got until Monday dusk," said Frank.

I love it.

DUSK.

This is like Tombstone or Gunfight at the OK Corral.

"You've got till dusk, Bart!"

DUSK.

Now, I think John Frank is right.

I just don't know where these righteous dope fiends are going to go for treatment.

I wish them the best and I wish Ahousat the best.

Ahousat is located on Flores Island, a 45-minute boat ride northwest of Tofino.

C U

Idiots texting their lives away have now another thing to worry about.

Wait for it.

It's a beaut.

Here it is.

Thumb injuries.

Yes.

Will our medical plans have to cover this?

Will specialists be born in Faculties of Medicine?

Hey there, sexy. What are you into?

Thumbs, Man. It's the going thing.

I was thinking about Texting Nation the other day as I watched people walking, sitting, eating, driving, no doubt, shtupping, and texting at the same time.

I was thinking how so many people are so easily duped into being mindless consumers.

Whatever bag of horse plop comes along, why I gotta have it.

F---, Man, I gotta have two.

It is truly pathetic to see how many millions of people cannot stop this addiction.

Hi Everyone. My name's David and I'm a Text Addict.

Hey Dave. Wait to go, Dave. Tell it like it is, Dave.

Nobody calls me Dave.

Moments from Text Anonymous.

Nobody in coffee shops reads. They socialize, work on computers, talk on cells or text, text, text.

"Text," the Broadway musical.

"Text," the ABC reality TV show.

"Text" - name of my new dog.

You should see how he indicates "W!"

By the way...

On a personal note...

Me no text.

Me no know how to text.

Me no want to text.

Me happy in ancient cave.

Warning from Within

One of India's best known and respected authors and historians says his country is not nearly ready to be considered a "world power."

‘How much inequality can a democracy sustain?'

Good question.

Read this revealing Q&A with Ramachandra Guha.

A Bridge Too Close

A 1.7 kilometre bridge, part of a 270 Million Euro highway will soon do considerable damage to the famed wine country district hot by the Mosel River in Germany.

This is part of a world wide trend, most evident in Europe in recent years, of governments barreling through more and more asphalt for more and more cars at the expense of agriculture, local business, tradition, clean air and good reason.

So the next time you see one o those photo-op international "green" conventions of "world leaders," don't believe a word of it.

Thinking - if such it can be called - has not changed a whit.

The car is still King and gasoline is the grape.

Is This One of the Great Songs, or What?

Shadow Dances

The provincial government is going after the books of the Vancouver School Board.

The Premier in one of his most disingenuous moments, declared "It’s a question of making sure we are doing everything we can to provide for kids in the classroom.”

Hahahahaha...

What a card.

The revival of vaudeville right before our eyes.

The cement Mixer turns his steely eye to helping children.

Give us a Royal Canadian Break, puleeeese.

Of course, it didn't help that the Board chair, Patti Bacchus, has been openly critical of Margaret MacDiarmid, the poor soul posing as the Minister of Education in a province that is run entirely out of the Premier's office. That's Marg, up there in the corner.

But that's not the entire story of course.

Turns out that almost every school board in the province is ailing.

Not enough money.

Old story.

And while these boards may be right and the province may in fact not be funding at the levels necessary, there is a deeper issue at stake here.

Whether or not Victoria ponies up enough loot on any given day to properly provide buildings, books, chalks, computers, playing fields and dedicated teachers to create great learning environments for BC children, a simple question remains unanswered.

Do we need School Boards?

Do we need regional Health Boards?

Are not these bodies great places for sucking up money and energy?

Could we not fund schools and hospitals directly and demand that they be responsible citizens?

Could we not audit these direct suppliers of educational and health services?

How much do these Boards cost us all?

We know for a fact that in health care, the regional boards have created a maze and snake pit of cross-regional claims on patients with mental health and addiction problems. We know that treatment - and the patient - are often lost in the bureaucratic jungle.

It is the endless and fruitless processes of covering your ass that costs us all.

Maybe some day in a place only to be dreamed of we will have a government with the courage to send these boards into the ocean so that we can get on with teaching and practicing medicine.

Small World

I've taken BA flight #85 several times in recent years.

It leaves London's Heathrow Airport - a small city complete with doctors, entertainment, hotels and traffic jams - in the early evening and, if things go as they are expected, it touches down at YVR just on time for dinner at home of the same day.

Not today however.

Not only that flight but some Scare Canada and KLM flights have been cancelled as well as BA#85 and the flight heading back to Heathrow, BA#84.

The source of all the fuss?

Well, it's Ma Nature up to her funny tricks again.

Just a small matter of that volcano exploding out from deep below a glacier in southern ICELAND!

In Europe, many flights have been grounded because the volcanic ash is clouding the skies for many hundreds of miles.

Imagine sitting on board what seems to be a "routine" flight and then hearing the captain crackle over the loudspeaker, "Sorry to interrupt this Sandra Bullock movie that I know you're enjoying. I saw it in a lay-over in Tokyo last week and I thought it was terrific too. We'll have it back up and running in just a moment. I just wanted to give you fair warning though that we've been advised by the meteorologists with whom we are in regular communication that we are about to fly through some pretty...ach... heavy volcanic ash. I know that sounds unusual and it is. But not to worry. The little bits and pieces are pretty small and by the time they get up to 39,000 feet, which is our present cruising altitude, they've kind of...gee whiz... cooled off. So just relax and enjoy your flight and if you see a kind of darkness come over the starboard side, well, no...oof...ah, no problem."

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow

Off to an Early Appointment this morning.

Back full strength tomorrow with the customary complaints, brick-a-bats, witticisms and favorite tunes.

In the meantime...

May he rest in peace...Gene Kiniski.

There was a time when, if you were a Canadian and you followed sports or entertainment, you had a pretty good handle on World Heavyweight Wrestling champ, Gene Kiniski.

This was around the same time that, if you were growing up in certain towns like Edmonton or Winnipeg, then half your friends were either Ukrainian or Polish and football players had names like Bronco Negurski.

During my late teens, I had one friend named Nick Olynick and another named Nick Olyarnick.
Olynick was short and dark; Olyarnick was tall and blond. Both were drop dead funny and huge laughers.

Kiniski the wrestling pro was fierce and fun.

Some Talent

As I was saying...

On Sunday, when I wrote in this space about the remote and horrifying possibility that one of the worst mayors in Vancouver's shoddy history of bad mayors might be considered for the "job" of Governor General, Bill Tieleman gave me advance warning thar he would have a piece on the same subject this week.

He has and it's a juicy little humdinger.

He spells out in considerable detail exactly why this is a truly dreadful and inappropriate idea.

Read it here.

Out of Order

The New Democrats sought yesterday to use Question Period to ask Premier Gordon Campbell whether he was aware of the “smear campaign” at the time, but their questions were ruled out of order because of the current RCMP investigation into the affair.

That may be strictly correct.

But what is truly out of order is the entire stench emanating from a pile of truly ugly election pamphlets that SOMEONE was sending to Chinese voters before the last provincial election.

Kash Heed, who was elected by a narrow margin, in the targeted district, has stepped down pending the outcome of the RCMP investigation.

But if this happened on his watch and on his behalf - even without his knowledge - he may have to step down permanently.

And what about the grease balls who created this slime?

And who sanctioned the whole operation?

And who knew about it?

Access Denied

The federal Information Commissioner has rated a raft of agencies (Justice, Citizenship, Revenue, Corrections and the like) on their transparency.

Their willingness to open their little hearts and minds and share the basic info.

Needles to say most of these public services failed miserably.

Secrecy and obfuscation are their mantras and their middle names.

We don't even know why the Happy Sociopaths are in the news every day this week. What did she actually do? What did he do? Sure, they're creepy, but what did they actually do? Harper won't tell us and the Ethics Commissioner won't investigate. Why? (Collective shrug.) Who knows?

Welcome to (sshhhhh...) Canada.

Meanwhile the Supreme Court has been secretly arguing amongst its very perfect self on the whole issue of government access.

Hey, what's 16 months between friends?

Gulag, anyone?

GO, GO, GO...

Not a good review, but a RAVE from Julie MacLellan in the New Westminster Record/Burnaby Now for Royal City's "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."

This follows Peter Birnie's RAVE review in the Vancouver Sun.

They are both spot on.

It's been ages since any of us have seen a show here with such energy and fun. The voices, the dancing and the staging are all wonderful.

This is the second time I've mentioned "Joseph" in these pages.

I have a personal stake in the success of the show as I bought and planned much of the advertising and marketing.

But I am also a miserable critic and don't like much of what I see on local stages.

This thing blew me away.

It's fab.

Go, go, go...
http://www.masseytheatre.com/ or call 604-521-5050 for tickets

Take kids with you...there are 60 about 60 kids on the stage and they are wonderful.

What's Gnu?

- Obama will save us from nuclear annihilation. Good luck.

- Nobody, including the RCMP, will tell us exactly what charges, if any, are pending against Helena Guergis and/or her creepy husband.

- Shoppers Drug Marts are fighting openly with the Ontario Premier as he tries to limit the fees they collect from generic drug companies. Watch for this battle to spread across the country as everyone looks for ways - legitimate, sensible or otherwise - to cut health care costs.

- Kevin Falcon, that genius of health care management and former builder of highways and bridges, is changing the way we pay hospitals to do their work. He claims more efficiencies. Ha!

- Tony Parsons is at CBC??? Huh?

Ungracious Kvetch

Tiger Woods has become, among other things, a kind of harridan, a whining shrew-wife who is never satisfied.

He shot 11 under par in the Masters and placed 4th behind Mickelson, who won the tournament.

He played terribly and inconsistently and still, he is such a rare prodigious talent, that he almost won the thing.

And this after a five-month abscence from the game.

When briefly interviewed by Peter Kostas after it was all over, did he congratulate the winner or say anything remotely pleasant?

No.

He kvetched that he only plays to win and that if he doesn't win, he's unhappy.

That attitude may have gotten him to the exalted place in which he now strides.

It may also be his undoing.

God forbid he should be grateful for anything on a sunny day in Georgia.

Can you say, "Spoiled child," boys and girls?

Because you asked...

In 1983, I was doing a fun, little radio show from 10 pm to 1 am weeknights on what was then called CJOR, AM600.

The show was called "A Little Berner on the Night."

A local entrepreneur was running a nightclub in what was then the Plaza Hotel at the foot of Capilano Road on Marine Drive.

It was my great please, because of these two coinciding events to interview and spend time with Ginger Rogers, Tony Bennett and others, each a story unto themselves.

When B.B. King was here, I brought my trusty Sony tape recorder up tio his hotel room and we hung out for about 3 hours.

He was great.

Charming and self-effacing, full of stories and good will.

No doubt he had had his share of life's troubles and no doubt he could muster a darker side when the occasion called for it, but I saw none of that.

He told me wonderful tales about his life and his guitar and the tremendous stretch of fabulous musicians with whom he had played over the years.

In truth, the only thing I remember vividly from this conversation was the gracious and uncalled for compliment he showered on me as I was leaving.

With a giant beaming smile and a great strong handshake, he declared, "Oh David Berner, I have learned soooo much from you today! It hs been a priviledge to spend this time with you."

I have no idea what any of that meant, but I was thrilled to hear it and I've never forgotten it.

BEWARE!

Needles, coffins, criminals.

And that's the GOOD news.

If you vote for those bastards, they're going to steal your mother's inheritance money.

And so on...like that.

Pamphlets and phone calls in Cantonese.

The pamphlets read “Authorized. Registered sponsor under the Elections Act”.

Of course, that was false. A lie.

All of this bogus and distasteful nonsense happened in the last provincial election in Vancouver-Fraserview, where Kash Heed was ultimately elected by a narrow margin.

Someone (ooooooo...who could it beeeee?) sent this scurrilous garbage out on behalf of the Liberals and against the NDP.

The only question at this point is who in the Liberal Party knew about this 'tactic?'

Mr. Heed? Mr. Campbell?

Does anyone in Liberal Land feel responsible for denigrating the elections process to this level?

My bet - like yours - is that no honorable men will fall on their swords.

Denial will be the order of the day and life as we know it will continue merrily in Supernatural.

My Sandbox or Yours?

Here's an old playground story.

We have a game.

You say, "I don't want to play your stupid game."

So you don't play and we do.

Then, your best friend shows up and he happily joins in the fun.

Pretty soon, you're begging us to let you play too.

The Game in this case is called the Trans-Pacific Partnership.

It's sort of like the EU, only the jerseys are a different colour.

The idiot who doesn't want to play is Canada, specifically the Prime Minister.

He's concerned about votes from dairy farmers in the only place in Canada that really matters - Ontario & Quebec.

Moo.

But, hark.

The USofA is now joining this trade agreement that will only give access to 470 million consumers.

Oh...NOW we're interested.

Can we play?

But the American's are saying, "Butt out Canada. You had your chance and you blew it."

All I can say is it's a darn good thing we have so many adult gown-ups running things for us.