The City Streets are Too Tolerant

Can someone be arrested on style points alone?

Last week I was driving east along 12th Avenue. A black Hummer pulled alongside. The Hummer was even bigger than usual. It had an open cab at the back in addition to its two rows of closed in seats and its four doors.

The driver was smoking and flicking, smoking and flicking.

The noise emanating was a hip-hop CD on repeat, reshuffle. The boom level was maxed out.

The "lyrics" to the "song" went something like this:

"Up yo' ass, fuck yo' ass, punch yo' ass, kick yo ass..." Gershwin, it ain't.

The blond haired, spike-haired junior criminal posing as a legitimate "driver" wove, over the next many blocks in and out of lanes, switching and twitching and flicking.

Gee, I wondered, could this little puke possibly be a coke dealer? I mean, that's a pricey ride, and how does this unemployable shit get the lucre to pony up for this hulking monstrosity? It can't be from his paper route?

So, in another kind of Perfect World, the one we might called The World According to Dave, I might be permitted to arrest this a-hole just on style points alone, or maybe even shoot him dead.

Walter Mitty is alive and well and driving his '93 Mazda 323 in straight lines through the streets of Margaritaville.