ON TV

1. I hate simulcasting. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Why can't I watch something on CBS or NBC, without suffering the interruptions, inanities and breaks in programming by CTV, Global or City, riding the CRTC-mandated and approved coattails of others?

How many times have we returned to a live sports event to find it is the second down in football, the second point in a tennis match or Tiger has already hit his tee shot and we get to watch Fred Funk?

2. Guilty Pleasure Category. For the first 5 years, I saw approximately 8 nano-seconds of American Idol. Wild horse couldn't draw me. Then the most peculiar thing happened. Last year, I watched the first episode of Season 6. I was hooked. Week after week, right through to the excruciatingly bad final, I sucked in every juicy bad taste moment.

I came to detest Paula and Randy and adore Simon. Don't ask.

But I have a question.

I know we are watching human train wrecks. I know there is something inherently and dreadfully fascinating about watching people disgrace themselves.

Still I don't understand the DELUSION the people exhibit. They can't sing one note, but they are convinced they can. It's like a mental illness. Is there a name for this? Melodius confoundentis syndrome?

3. Guilty Pleasure #2: Deal or No Deal. I have to almost not being able to watch this, which is a minor tragedy, because I think Howie Mandel is one of the funniest and most interesting performers in the business. And I like the basic gambling concept of the show.

But the agony enters when I watch people behaving like idiots and being played for suckers. Show after show, Greed and Vanity derail these sorry slobs.

Look, you enter the studio with nothing. Most of the contestants really have nothing, they are wanting entirely, no house, no money, colorful sob story and so on.

Now, they get an offer from the banker for $345,000. Say, 5 suitcases left, two one million dollar possibilities still out there. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU'RE BEING A GIVEN A GIFT OF $345,000. GET OUT OF THERE!!!

I actually turn the TV off at that point because I can't take it.

Hahahahaha...You think I'm making this up, don't you?

4. Would CITY please stop that insipid Speakers' Corner feature? No doubt they get to count that as "Canadian content" to go with their pathetic 27 second news breaks. Of course, no body would watch anything on CITY were it not for...

simulcasting.

Full circle.

Out.