TRAVEL TIPS

Let me introduce you to the newest and most remote place for a real getaway.

It's the tiny island of Newtrush in a Pacific atoll, not far from Ridway, uh, Midway.

You'll love it.

Almost uninhabited, there are only two permanent residents there, both fat, babbling old white men.

One of them keeps muttering, "I'm the chief, I'm the chief, I'm the chief," while the other intones deeply into a large conch. He seems to believe that otherS can hear him somewhere. Or would want to.

Once a month, small boatloads of tourists arrive. They all belong to a kind of historical society, They claim, often with tears in their eyes, that they and their parents and grandparents used to be members of something called "The Republican Party."

The man who thinks he is The Chief takes photos with these visitors and charges them $50 each.