First Column

It's minus the lovely foto, but you can get that by actually buying a paper. Or shnoring one at a coffee shop.

Here's my first Province editorial column.

Bits 'n Bites

- Larry just won't be quiet. So Carole would be a shoo-in. Yes, Lar, we all know that. Go back to your Red Chamber, collect your sinecure and shutenzie up.

- The Judge makes "an error" and has to apologize to the jury in the Pickton trial? Can Canadian jurisprudence, already reeling from the continuing exposure at the Air India hearings, get any more pummeled by its own neglect?

- Rarely have I seen Vaughn Palmer take after this Liberal government with such gusto as he has in the case of these soul-less Liberals hacking away at the budget of the Child Protection office. And he is ever so right to do so. He is also right to point out that it is the premier who is behind this pettiness and politicking, which will ultimately penalize children at risk. Also noted is the amount cut back equals the amount spent by that idiot, Christensen, on office renos. How do these creeps look at themselves in the mirror?

- Gary Lunn, MP for Saanich-Gulf Islands, has done NOTHING for anyone in all his years in office. But now he has managed the impossible - a tax forgiveness for one special group of people. The group is irrelevant; the issue is why them and not me or you? Can you say, corruption and favoritism, boys and girls?

- "I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from the God who gave us liberty. Nor would I separate us from our religious heritage." This is Mitt Romney, the Mormon Republican presidential candidate, who is being rebuffed by some Christians for his religious beliefs, while other flock (sic!) to Mike Huckabee, the Baptist candidate. So this is what American politics has come down to - My God is Better than Your God!

- It sickens me to see Vanoc crying out for 25,000 volunteers for their 2 week multi-Billion Dollar Frat party. We desperately need volunteers for old folks, for youngsters, for health care, for education. At Langara College, we are currently placing 40 new student volunteers into action with the Boys and Girls Clubs and the Louis Brier Home. To take volunteer time and energy and care away from these quiet and honorable pursuits to enable the public scam known as 2010 is detestable.

Su Meng Paganini Caprice no 24

Written for the violin, and often used by virtuosi as warm-up exercises, the Paginini Caprices are almost impossible to play, let alone turn into beautiful music.

Now hear this transposed for the guitar.

HUGE NEWS

I told you something was brewing, and now I can make the official announcement.

Buy your Vancouver Province tomorrow (Friday, December 7, 2007) or read it on-line at http://www.canada.com/theprovince/index.html

Why?

Because starting tomorrow and every Friday thereafter, I begin my new assignment as a Vancouver Province Columnist.

The column will appear on the editorial page.

I was thrilled and astounded when the editor approached me out of the blue to ask if I'd be interested.

I am deeply honored.

Also terribly excited.

Hope you enjoy the pieces as they appear.

Parole Board is Wrong, as Usual

The National Parole Board is most renowned for springing psychotic killers.

Now, they refuse a parole to Robert Latimer, the Prairie farmer who agonized for years over the suffering of his disabled daughter before killing her. For Latimer, rightly or wrongly, this was an act of mercy.

Listen to the Parole Board at work.

"We were left with the feeling you have not developed the kind of sufficient insight and understanding of your actions," said Kelly-Ann Speck, one of the members of the panel."

How the manage to come up with that sermon for this man, but leave it in the prayer book for out-and-out crazies is unfathomable.

There are Taxes and then There is Highway Robbery

No one likes to learn of new taxes, in any form.

But an 8% raise in city property taxes to cover The Big Party in 2010?

That is outrageous.

It speaks to the incompetence of the worst council in City history.

"It's going to be very tough," says Peter Ladner.

What will be tough, Peter, is getting any of you re-elected.

This is in addition to the Olympic "Legacy Fund" being raped for what amounts to operating costs.

From this morning's front page story in the Sun, we get this:

"But opponents say that far from providing long-term legacies, as its name implies, the fund amounts to an Olympic operations budget.

Among the items it covers are a $1.4-million communications campaign, $1 million for the city's host pavilion, $2 million for hosting dignitaries and $2 million for the "look" of the city during the Olympics."

Tim Stevenson says, "I see it as a slush fund for the mayor." And he's right.

In yesterday's Courier, Alan Garr further skewers The Nutty One with his insights on how the mayor plays with money. Sullivan managed to divert some funds from one of his many non-profit organizations to the NPA.

Garr notes:

"The story, by Tyee reporter Monte Paulsen, concerned a Sullivan creation called the Nanitch Policy Society, just one of Sullivan's societies he has used to obscure his activities from the public.

Nanitch was incorporated as a non-profit in 2002. Its express purpose is "to identify, research, and promote changes in public policy for the purpose of improving the economic, environmental and social well-being of all members of the community, in particular those members of the community who are marginalized and disabled."

Garr points out that the other directors of Nanitch were completely unaware of this donation to the NPA.

So the mayor plays fast and loose with the monies from non-profits, and the City Council cannibalizes a "Heritage" Fund to pay for the groceries.

Except the groceries in this case include:

"- $1.5 million for an Olympic public art program.
- $300,000 to host the 2008 Paralympic torch relay (Vancouver is one of three Olympic cities on the relay).
- $1 million for "social sustainability" around the city's inner-city inclusivity commitments.
- $1 million for "community celebrations."
- $1 million for a "volunteer/ambassador program."
- $150,000 for environmental sustainability.
- $200,000 for "business-tourism initiatives."

How about more organic eggs?

Why cant a woman?

As My Fair Lady is opening in Richmond this season, I thought a little look at the original might be appropriate. Here's Rex Harrison for whose non-singing voice these songs were perfectly written.

Norval Morrisseau

There was no other Noravla Morrisseau than Norval Morrisseau.

Anybody who knew anything about his life will marvel that he lived until he was 75 and will shed at a tear at his passing.

He was a unique Canadian artist.

If you ever happen to Saltspring Island, stop in at the Thunderbird Gallery, which for years has carried Morrisseau originals and has championed the man's work.

Shooting the Messenger - BC Style

It is unusual for Vaughn Palmer to be so offended by government arrogance that he would use a word like "nitwit" in his column.

But that's exactly what he did this morning referring to the backbencher Liberals in their grilling of Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond when she asked for more money to defend the children of this province.

Who is their puppet master? The Travelling in Asia Premier?

Someone Please Take a Census of How Far Behind Census Canada Always is

It is instructive to see Malcolm Brodie talking about "diversity in Richmond."

What he doesn't acknowledge, of course, is that most of the recent immigrant citizens in his city do not vote. He is a Mayor by Default.

No knowledgeable electorate - if such a thing exists anywhere on this flat earth - would tolerate such incompetence.

As for the other revelations from Census Canada - duh?

We didn't know about the changing and largely changed demographics here in "British" Columbia? And how these changes make us "world-class" is mysterious.

And neither French nor English is the first language of 40%? This is news. This is what has been self-evident for some time now to anyone who leaves his house.

When you are invited to take your driver's license written test in one of 140 languages, you know something has changed in the last generation.

For good or bad - and there is a full and hearty mix of both in this story - this is the new reality and Census Canada is, as usual way behind the curve.

Hanukkah in Santa Monica by Tom Lehrer

Willie Nelson - Always On My Mind

Smile - You're in the Best Place in the World

Several friends have encourage me to post this T-shirt. Who am I to argue with an idea whose time has come?

Is Your Pin Legit, Louie?

When it comes to the immense scam called 2010, who can say whose cousin gets which contracts for whose balloons?

The latest slapstick comes from The Department of Pins.

Oy vey, der made in Taiwan, not really a China!

I don't know, folks, I was in Taiwan a few years ago, and in spite of Canada's refusal to recognize it as a country, it looked remarkably like a country.

And why must 2010 tchatchkas be made in the mystic east anyway?

God forbid some enterprising and socially conscious fella would hire a hundred homeless or poor or struggling souls to start the Great Canadian Pin Factory, and T-shirts and ookpiks and napkins...

God forbid Vanoc or the Preem or the Board of Trade would think of such a thing.

How about Sam? He's an enterprising fellow. Between opening brothels and drug substitution centres, I'm sure he could get something going along this line. I have faith.

Justice Shrouded Again in Cloaks & Daggers

The judiciary, never too misguided for most reasonable citizens, has hit a new low.

The public, the media and the accused were all held OUT of a closed hearing yesterday in the Basi/Virk affair.

If ever a case needed some clean, clear backyard airing this would be it.

Instead, with taste and timing so exquisitely perfect, Justice Elizabeth Bennett has shrouded this fiasco in even more secrecy.

No doubt there are clever legalistic rationales for all of this.

But none can make up for the immense residue of mistrust by the endless delays and obfuscations in a case that is rare, confusing and central to the good governance of the Province.

Victor Discovers the real Meaning of a Sammy Christmas

Hi Mensche:

I am so deeply ashamed.

Like many, I heard about the coke addict who stole the Christmas presents from the room of a seriously ill girl in Children's' Hospital. I heard, from the Official On-duty Police Spokesperson (OOPs for short) that the thief was "known to police and had a rap sheet going back to 1987'.

Let's call him "The Grunge Who Mainlined Christmas"

At first, I was lulled into the media spin that this was some sort of Grinch story. You know. Bad guy and victim. A Christmas fable.

But then I looked in the heavens, to the Star of Sam and realized that the real victim was the coke-head.

Portraying the seriously ill girl as a victim was Holiday Season Hokey.

No. The Sam Star told me that Mr. 20-year Cokehead was a victim of all of us. In our greed, we soldiered on since 1987, ignoring his real cravings.

You see, what he really wants is a steady job, sensible shoes, membership in the Rotary Club, daily flossing, eating a balanced diet from all the major food groups.

He's simply been stealing and doing nose candy while working on his resume since Mulroney was Prime Monster.

But! There is hope for Mainline Grunge.

It is called the Sam Plan.

First, we give him a free apartment for two years. No rules.

During that time, we give him free substitute drugs.

This brings us to 2010.

Having lost his social skills, he may be lacking on pickup lines.

No Problem.

There will be Comfort Women in Vancouver in 2010. Sam is "open" to discussing the idea of legalized brothels for the Olympics.

Interesting.

In a city that has a 30 percent Chinese population, Parapathetic Sam thinks the invading hordes of tourists in 2010 should have the same options that the Japanese army had in Nanking.

Carole - Just Do It!

Of course, Carole Taylor would run - and win handily - as an independent candidate for City Mayor.

First, she would have to do that because of the incredible botch-up by the NPA. Almost every one of the NPA movers and shakers with whom I have spoken in recent months detest - yes, that's right, detest - Mr. Sullivan.

Like so many Vancouverites, they saw quickly through The Nutty One's sham presentation to his selfish core. They have found him to be an embarrassment and, as we say in Shakespeare, they wish him gone.

But being Back Room Boys, slithering amongst the shadows of the Mahogany Tables and Leather Divans, they lack the fibre to simply tell the poor fella to move on.

"Hey Sam, you've had fun and your day in the sun, now quietly go somewhere and make some money and let us find a real Mayor who actually knows how to work with people and accomplish real things for a real city."

No. That conversation is not going to happen, although this is the stuff the NPA Movers and Shakers dream of in their restless sleep.

Second, she will have no trouble distancing herself from His Pettiness and doing so gracefully.

Miro Cernetig tells us this morning that "For weeks, Taylor has avoided the mayor's entreaties for a meeting."

What's so surprising about that?

His own staff won't meet with him.

The mayor calls a meeting and key players refuse to show.

Why?

Because they know - and by now, you and I and all of Retro Vancouver knows - that the mayor is doctrinaire, frozen and incapable of communication and conciliation. He gets something passing for an idea in his head and there it sits, never to be lodged or even gently nudged to the right or left by any reasonable argument or consideration.

The wheelchair long ago lost its emotive power.

At a wedding last summer, a total stranger, a very, very, very successful realtor turned to me over dinner and said apropos of absolutely nothing, "I think Sam Sullivan is evil!" The table applauded.

At a fundraiser lunch at a swanky hotel last month, a total stranger, a very successful banker, turned to me as Sam was about to make another fatuous speech and said, "When this guy was first elected, I thought we could be proud as a city because we chose a guy in a wheelchair. But pretty soon I saw how self-involved he was and how it's All About Sam. He's useless."

The real tragedy here is that Sullivan is the head of the worst council in living memory.

If Carole Taylor were to mount a campaign called The New Slate and fill it with real candidates - people with some idea of how government works and what the city needs to get busy doing - she and they would win hands down and clean house entirely.

The NPA, Vision and Cope have all had their day and it is costing us mightily.

How much we ache for real councillors with smarts and knowledge and wit.

The Boob Show must go.

Brad's Not for Burning

Someday soon the tabs will get tired of Branjolina and move on to the next world-weary celebs.

In the meantime, we can marvel a bit at a Brad Pitt with a brain and a social conscience.

Mr. Pitt has long had a love affair with the city of New Orleans. He is now repaying that debt in smart fashion.

"Brad Pitt Commissions Designs for New Orleans"

Read this piece and you can't help but be impressed by what the man is doing and the way he is doing it.

We Are Not Alone

And all this time I thought Tranclunk was the only system in the world dumb enough to not have turnstiles, gates and ticket exits.

I was wrong.

Top of the We Trust You list has been Los Angeles, which, as it turns out, is not so angelic after all.

"The Los Angeles County Metropolitan Transportation Authority board voted last week to take the first step toward installing 275 ticket gates on the entire 17.4-mile subway and at many light-rail stations."

The NY Times story is called "An End to the Free Ride on Trains in Los Angeles," and it can be read in its entirety here.

Retro Vancouver leaders take note.

Miles and 'Trane