THE FRONT PAGE

Until we learn the secret of uploading audio files, we'll have to stick with the written word. Remember that all things in life are temporary.

The first woman he raped was 69. His next victim was 89. He's a Prince. And he's been paroled.

This, in short, is the first of 2 unrelated - but mysteriously linked - stories on the front page of this morning's newspaper.

In this first story, Mr. Creepypants has misspent most of his so-called adult life dashing in and out of jail. When he's not bursting into the homes of the elderly and infirm, tying bedsheets around their heads and sexually assaulting them, he's simply robbing and causing general mayhem.

Enter the British Columbia Parole Board. The Board uses or tries to use or pretends to use a computer system, comically named CORNET, to track their darling charges. And, gosh, if some clerk approaching coffee break, manages to miss an entry (say, WARNING: THIS MISCREANT IS A HUGE PUBLIC DANGER!), the Board is just at a loss. They don't know that the lunatic in front of them rapes elderly women. They think he just break into houses and steals doilies.

As always, the Parole People have a thousand and one excuses. They've learned well from the prisoners who sit in front of them. After all, these guys are the experts at excusing lousy behaviour and sooner or later, their wisdom is bound to rub off.

There is good news and bad news at the end of this tale. The good news is that the Solicitor-General, John Les, has promised to abolish the B.C. Parole Board and transfer all decisions on provincial inmates to the National Parole Board. The bad news is that John Les, the Solicitor-General, has promised to transfer...etc, blah, blah, yadda, yadda...

In the second front page story this morning, we learn that anger may be a mental disorder. Psychologists and other helpers are yearning to include anger in the DSM, The Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The DSM is the Torah and Koran of psychiatry. It is also one of the most dangerous texts in print. Until very recently, homosexuality was listed as a mental disorder. But more than that, examine the consequences of listing a human behavious as a disease. If, in fact, anger is a mental disorder, or at the very least, we call it a mental disorder, than Mr. Creepypants, the rapist of old women, is sick and he cannot be held legally liable for his behaviour. And only qualified psychiatrists will be able to help him. Punishment and containment will not be appropriate; they will be cruel acts cast upon the helpless.

The front page is enough to make a guy angry. But the page made me do it, and only me shrink can save me.