ON TV

1. I hate simulcasting. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Why can't I watch something on CBS or NBC, without suffering the interruptions, inanities and breaks in programming by CTV, Global or City, riding the CRTC-mandated and approved coattails of others?

How many times have we returned to a live sports event to find it is the second down in football, the second point in a tennis match or Tiger has already hit his tee shot and we get to watch Fred Funk?

2. Guilty Pleasure Category. For the first 5 years, I saw approximately 8 nano-seconds of American Idol. Wild horse couldn't draw me. Then the most peculiar thing happened. Last year, I watched the first episode of Season 6. I was hooked. Week after week, right through to the excruciatingly bad final, I sucked in every juicy bad taste moment.

I came to detest Paula and Randy and adore Simon. Don't ask.

But I have a question.

I know we are watching human train wrecks. I know there is something inherently and dreadfully fascinating about watching people disgrace themselves.

Still I don't understand the DELUSION the people exhibit. They can't sing one note, but they are convinced they can. It's like a mental illness. Is there a name for this? Melodius confoundentis syndrome?

3. Guilty Pleasure #2: Deal or No Deal. I have to almost not being able to watch this, which is a minor tragedy, because I think Howie Mandel is one of the funniest and most interesting performers in the business. And I like the basic gambling concept of the show.

But the agony enters when I watch people behaving like idiots and being played for suckers. Show after show, Greed and Vanity derail these sorry slobs.

Look, you enter the studio with nothing. Most of the contestants really have nothing, they are wanting entirely, no house, no money, colorful sob story and so on.

Now, they get an offer from the banker for $345,000. Say, 5 suitcases left, two one million dollar possibilities still out there. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU'RE BEING A GIVEN A GIFT OF $345,000. GET OUT OF THERE!!!

I actually turn the TV off at that point because I can't take it.

Hahahahaha...You think I'm making this up, don't you?

4. Would CITY please stop that insipid Speakers' Corner feature? No doubt they get to count that as "Canadian content" to go with their pathetic 27 second news breaks. Of course, no body would watch anything on CITY were it not for...

simulcasting.

Full circle.

Out.

New Border "Blow-Thru" Lane

Speed is of the essence.

In sport, in business, in sex, in border crosssings...

I anxiously await the cartoons that will follow today's news story that a local hooker has been successfully smuggling dope, concealed in all the usual places, because she had cultivated a special relationship with a stupid, horny border guard.

The story from this morning's Sun is here, but where are the good jokes?

By the way, the guard often collected on his kindness in letting his smuggler friend breeze through the border by pausing for a few moments of gas station sex.

Gas Station Sex - now there's a whole category that demands an opera, a learned treatise and a government grant.

Roger...Please get a Coach

Roger Federer, the man chasing tennis history, the man many of us believe to be the best we've ever seen, lost in the semi-finals last night to Novak Djokovic.

All credit to the young Serb, who was magnificent, beating Federer in 3 sets.

Federer was gracious in defeat, acknowledging that "The Joker" was clearly the better player on that court on that day.

But he added a new thought during the post-match press conference.

“Of course I’ve created a monster, so I know I need to always win every tournament. But semis is still, you know, pretty good.”

I will return to my plea, posted here back in December.

Roger...get a coach!

It is true, he is great, wonderful, amazing, the best.

But even Roger needs a coach on hand to point out the thousand and one little steps and miscues that can creep into elite performance.

Please, get a coach, so I can witness history when you win your 13th, 14th and 15th Grand Slam titles.

With Djokovic, Tsonga and a few other young studs on the horizon, that achievement has suddenly become less assured.

From The Mail

Hello, Sir David

Very puzzling. Senator Larry has changed his mind about the need for a coroner's inquest into the death of Frank Paul. Of course, we all know very well by now that those who disagree with the illustrious Senator are 'morons'. We have the Senator's own word for it, so it must be true.
So, now that the esteemed Senator disagrees with himself, presumably he must now count himself amongst the 'morons'.

Probably a good thing when I consider it. ;-)


all the best

David in North Burnaby

FRIDAY'S PROVINCE COLUMN

Vision Party Vancouver City Councilor Raymond Louie has paid off his mortgage. Have you?

Louie is in his early 40’s. He has a wife and 3 kids. He’s a working stiff like you and me. When first elected to Council in 2002, he quite his job to dedicate himself full time to the business of running a government. All for $53,000 a year. His wife went back to work.

What does this tell us? The man’s got focus, determination and old-fashioned goals.

These are liabilities?

Oh. I forgot.

This is a town where the biggest score is spotting Jennifer Aniston eating a pickle. Cooks and Condo Kings are our most exemplary citizens.

In his two terms in office, Louie has been a director or member of 16 boards, corporations and committees, including three Translink boards.

The knock on Louie is that he always has a stack of reports in front of him at Council meetings. God forbid he should be informed.

“I was shocked to learn that some councilors have never cracked a binder,” says Louie. “I want to know what I’m voting on.”

His critics say he’s too dull to be mayor.

Where has excitement got us?

After two show biz mayors, we’ve gone from being a city with some drug addiction, mental illness and homelessness problems to being the world’s poster city for drug addiction, mental illness and homelessness. Lovely.

Mayor Larry Campbell was the sizzle, no doubt. But Raymond Louie was the steak. Together, they approved the Woodward’s development, which holds the promise of re-vitalization for the Downtown Eastside, while adding 200 social housing units.

Louie proposed five childcare centers in the new South East False Creek development, the space provided by the builders, the services run by non-profit. The NPA cut it down to three. He proposed support for the Cambie merchants devastated by the Canada Line in the form of interest free loans. Voted down.

If the gregarious Larry Campbell was the right mayor for Vancouver six years ago, when the city was vying for the Olympics, then maybe Raymond Louie is the right mayor for this era, when what we need is not bells and whistles, but bills paid.

Louie is smart and decent and hard working. He knows what makes 12th and Cambie tick. He believes he has tremendous support from the Chinese and Sikh communities. He and Gregor Robertson, the Vancouver-Fairview NDP MLA who the Vision Party is courting for a run at the Mayor’s chair, are speaking regularly. They are involved in a delicate dance of Who Goes First?

“It’s not about the grandeur of the position, says Louie, “it’s about the right direction for the city and winning a majority on Council.”

He’ll decide in a few weeks if he wants to be mayor or take another term as councilor.

Extremism of any kind is not in his gene pool. So he doesn’t smile and laugh as much as your favorite bar buddy. Maybe we could stand reasonable and well managed for 3 years.

If he runs for Mayor, I’ll vote for him.