Monday, May 28, 2007

Guest Blogger takes on The Nutty Mayor

Remember Chauncey Gardner. He was the simple minded soul played magnificently by Peter Sellers in the movie "Being There" from a book of the same name.

Chauncey, a humble gardener, accidently became a national celebrity and seer by mumbling such inanities as " We have Spring and Fall, then we have Winter, then it is Spring again". Politicians and journalists would rapturously probe the deep meanings of Chauncey's pronouncements. It was a splendid satire on celebrity, politics and media.

Chauncey lives here in Vancouver.

His name is Sam Sullivan.

His most banal pronouncements on drugs, city planning and economics, that range from simplistic to outright stupid to dangerous, are reverently reported by a fawning media. It proves the old adage that states " media are like puppies, excitable, poorly trained and they suck up to authority".

But whereas Chauncey was an innocent ingenue, Sullivan is a sinister, bitter man. His delusional theories and pathologically inflated ego will leave a legacy of pain on this city. His blatant attempts to turn the Mayor's office into a presidency ( State of the City Address my royal purple ass) goes unchallenged by most of the media.

As Truman once said of a political rival " He's a stupid man, but he's not a nice stupid man".

The Boulevardier

Whose Cousin Owns the Biometrics Lab?

A dentist I used to visit had a sign on the front desk. The sign said,


I told the receptionist that we had a wonderful dog, Ralph, a Samoyed, and that the next time I came in, I'd be happy to bring Ralph, who was always so accommodating. He'd leave a deposit, alright.

This Life Peak Experience comes to mind when I read in the morning paper that soon we will have to carry DNA, biometrics or "other biological identifiers" to go shopping in Bellingham.

My response to this highly effective and sensible new initiative from America's Homeland Security Toy Factory is that I would be happy to DUMP SOME DNA IN THEIR LAPS.

I now join the millions of Western democrats world-wide who mutter into our beer, "The terrorists are winning..."

While grannies and academics and sports teams are having their eyes poked out by cheesy, ineffective laser beams at airports and bus depots along the Canada and Mexico borders, real, actual, lunatic, madmen terrorists are quietly embedded in local culture, eating Royales, watching ball games and waiting for their moment to explode.

Whose cousin owns the biometrics franchise? Is it a Carlyle Group subsidiary? Halliburton? Cheney's nephew?

Survey Said...

The Sunday Survey will now to removed; but, oddly enough, it will re-emerge with different content, next Sunday. Our respondents were consistent: 25% said Sunday is best for making love; 25% said it was best for making lazy circles in the sky and 50% said it was great for everything.

Our DOPE survey will stay on the blog (to your right) for a few more days. Take it - you'll like it!