Thursday, April 29, 2010

Rights and Freedoms Day in Canada

1. Every house on the street boasts well-manicured lawns.

One house grows veggies.

Oy gevaldt!

Call the fuzz!

So one of the lawn nuts says the veggie patch is bringing down his East Vancouver property values.

Let's get some things straight, neigh-booors.

Lawns are idiotic scourges. You want grass, walk three feet to the boulevard, go to the park or call your district dealer. People with lawns are dingbats. They seed and water, water and seed and then they mow, weedwack and hack and cut so they can seed and water. They are noise polluters and engaged in an activity that makes as much sense as washing your car when the world is filled with drive-through car wash joints.

On my street, one guy grows fruit and veggies in his front yard, his back yard, his side yard and on the boulevard. Hundreds flock to his house all summer long to chat with him and marvel at his work. Last year I put my tomato plant in with his patch and they thrived.

On my street, one lady has created a beautiful garden on the boulevard made entirely of tall grasses and big boulders.

Lowered the property values?


2. Being gay or lesbian is a disease.

And it's catching.

Just ask the Catholic Girls school, Little Flower Academy, in Vancouver who have fired a music teacher who is lesbian.

Actually, she is still on the payroll.

She's just not allowed in the classroom.

Of course, she's been working there for ages. She's never been remotely accused of spreading her disease to the little pansies and roses with whom she works.


3. Students at the University of Calgary set up an anti-abortion table in one of the busy hallways.

They were quickly given the bum's rush by security.

The Pro-Life demonstrators use ugly graphic images of fetuses, among other horrors.

I am not a Pro-Lifer. I am not anti-abortion.

But tell me something.

If Canadians cannot voice their opinions and thoughts on a University campus, where then?

Are these kids preaching violence against a recognizable group?


* * *

We are a quiet people, a gentle people. e like our bacon crisp and dry, thank you.

We are sheep.

We are hockey fans.

We are asleep at the wheel.

This is Fun