False Messengers

NBC has appointed a new boss for their evening Newscast.

They are in deep shock since losing a ratings week to ABC.

As usual, they've missed the point entirely.

Aside from the fact that so many former viewers are too busy to sit down at 6pm every week night, and so many former viewers, regardless of age, are getting their news from dozens of alternate sources on the web, the problem isn't the Wizards of Oz behind the curtain.

In this case, the problem is the anchor, Brian Williams.

Has there ever in the history of broadcast been a more manufactured construct than this robotic impersonator of a news anchor?

Last night, Mr. Williams was in Iraq. Perhaps he was "imbedded." I couldn't tell, because he wasn't in his nighties or his pj's. Instead, looking exactly like a glossy magazine spread for L.L. Bean, Mr. Williams was wearing a positively gorgeous buff New England-Maine-Vermont jacket and a fabulous half-zippered dark sweater/shirt underneath. The only thing that was missing was Mr. Whathisface from Seinfeld describing his trek through the Malaysian jungles and concluding with the price, "$179.99 in half sizes."

Mr. Williams has a nervous tic. He's had it from Day One. His head lops over to one side or the other all the time. He should see a doctor. Except that this is an affectation, a design. And it's bullshit. We're supposed to be drawn into his "casual sincerity and deep concern." Except that we are not, because we are either wondering about his clothing account or when he will see his chiropractor.

No doubt "News Anchor Idol" is the coming big hit.