Rapunzel, Do You Have Hair?

A pair of academics will analyze crime patterns in the hope of predicting your next bank heist.

Another professor, far, far away in another land, has figured out that French Impressionist Claude Monet had cataracts.

I guess this is why those places are called Ivory Towers.

That still doesn't explain why these daydreams are published as news. Perhaps for me and you and Dave letterman's writers.