Whose Cousin Owns the Biometrics Lab?

A dentist I used to visit had a sign on the front desk. The sign said,

"PLEASE LEAVE A DEPOSIT."

I told the receptionist that we had a wonderful dog, Ralph, a Samoyed, and that the next time I came in, I'd be happy to bring Ralph, who was always so accommodating. He'd leave a deposit, alright.

This Life Peak Experience comes to mind when I read in the morning paper that soon we will have to carry DNA, biometrics or "other biological identifiers" to go shopping in Bellingham.

My response to this highly effective and sensible new initiative from America's Homeland Security Toy Factory is that I would be happy to DUMP SOME DNA IN THEIR LAPS.

I now join the millions of Western democrats world-wide who mutter into our beer, "The terrorists are winning..."

While grannies and academics and sports teams are having their eyes poked out by cheesy, ineffective laser beams at airports and bus depots along the Canada and Mexico borders, real, actual, lunatic, madmen terrorists are quietly embedded in local culture, eating Royales, watching ball games and waiting for their moment to explode.

Whose cousin owns the biometrics franchise? Is it a Carlyle Group subsidiary? Halliburton? Cheney's nephew?