The Skies Aren't Big Enough

A Victoria area man gets increasingly drunk on a flight to Miami. He slaps a woman on her ass and then gets into a fight with two male flight attendants.

The plane drops out of the sky, pausing at Denver, just long enough for this idiot to be handcuffed. He's in jail, and may be remain there for a good long time. I'm sure that becoming some drug dealer's roomie and bitch will enlighten him.

Air travel has become as appealing as root canal dentistry and CRA audits.

ON a recent flight to San Francisco, I paid the extra $29US for a "United Plus" seat. Meaning my knees were not in the grasp-yourself Yoga position.

Nevertheless, the ADHD jumping jacks kid sitting next to me sniffled for 2 hours and 20 minutes. His highly unusual laptop was no doubt a secret NASA issue and he is, I'm sure, on covert missions as we speak.

On the flight heading to California, the guy sitting next to me coughed 10 times, loudly in my ear, before take-off. In the first half hour of actual flight, he coughed another 20 times.

The stewardess, whose ass I did not slap, gave me a "United Plus" seat for no additional charge.

So what? I was holed up with a cold for the next week. Thanks, Mr. Cougher.

We stand in endless lines to check in, to go through customs, to take off our shoes, to have our water bottles chucked. All to combat terrorists.

And then you get on a plane, and a drunk terrorizes everyone?

No. This is high treason. Plane travel has become bad enough without turning it into a Prince George blues bar.

Keep Russel Petrie, formerly of Cobble Hill, in a Denver lockup indefinitely, or at least until he is willing to buy a car from that pigeon-toed Broncos quarterback who now owns every dealership in Colorado.