Thursday, October 15, 2009

THE OLYMPIC PLAN


Remember Cambie Street?

Deja vu.

It's not often that I am shocked, especially by the predictably idiocy of bureaucrats and politicians.

But yesterday, I caught just enough of the local supper hour news to almost fall off the sofa.

In the morning I had enjoyed a coffee with an old friend at the corner of 65th and Granville. Of course, I parked the car right in front.

No, sir.

That will no longer be possible, sir.

You see we're staging the 2010 Olympics and every one's life must be disrupted and every one's small mom-and-pop business must suffer irrevocably.

Because you are not important and the small businesses that we like to say are the backbone of our economy are not really important either. We just like to say that because it sounds good at rubber chicken lunches and on news bites.

The news is that during that now hateful affair next February, that Event That Surpasses All Other Events, there will be no parking allowed 29 hours a day, 12 days a week on Granville Street from 16th Avenue south to the Arthur Laing Bridge. None. Zero.

I watched a couple talk about the $200,000+ they lost before they abandoned their shop on Cambie Street during the hideous Cut and Cover Caper. So they smartly moved to Granville around 65th. Now they face exactly the same nightmarish scenario.

Now, here is the voice of authority to the rescue.

"First of all, leaving your vehicle behind is absolutely fundamental," Penny Ballem, City of Vancouver manager and a board member with the Vancouver Organizing Committee for the 2010 Games, said in issuing a plea for public support.

Oh yah?

Tell me, Penny.

As a VANOC board member, won't you be given a pass or a limo or some other exemption that permits you to dart about the city with impunity?

You betcha.

"Transportation is key to the success of the Games," Dr. Ballem said at a news conference. She reminded people that "you can walk across the core of Vancouver" in about 25 minutes, and planners are hoping a lot of people will do just that during the Olympics.

Isn't that nice.

Thanks a whole bunch, Penny. Walking across the city in a driving rainstorm in February is exactly what we all want to do to help out this act of totalitarianism.

There are those among you who are patiently waiting for "the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Please be advised that something way bigger will be here and on schedule in February. Further note that if Jesus does make it, he may not get downtown because of the the roadblocks and traffic restrictions. Remember, ye devout, that we have out priorities here.

And speaking of age-old values, we are told by Dr. Ballem and others of the Privileged Set, that "co-operation" is the key.

Co-operation? Hahahahaha...

Have any of these bozos actually tried to negotiate local traffic lately.

Here's two quick snapshots of The Co-operators.

One: I'm driving east along Columbia in New West Tuesday afternoon heading to the Royal Columbian Hospital to see a friend who is recovering very nicely thank you from open heart surgery. Just before you get to the hospital, Columbia splits off into Columbia on the left and Burentte on the right, heading to the freeway. Some poor sap in front of me is in the wrong lane and wants to turn over to the Burnette lane. He has his turn signal on. He's at the front of the line. But, OH NOT YOU DON'T. The driver of the 18-wheeler monster rig keeps nudging and nudging so as to not let him in. Very sick. Very disturbing. Very co-operative.

Two: Yesterday afternoon about 3:30, I am walking across Broadway at Spruce, near Oak Street. Five lanes of traffic stop for me to cross, as they are required to by law. As is common courtesy. But the nice man in the Hummer who sees me from more than a third of a block away and has only to slow down while I step past him would SIMPLY NOT HAVE THAT, SUCKER! Lunatic boy screams past me imitating a great matador who can have the bull pass so close to him that a horn picks a button off the man's costume.

Yes, we are a nation and a town of Great Co-operators, Penny.

Like that's really going to happen to make the Olympic Visitation a real sweet pleasure.

Yes, I am really leaving town.

No, I am not renting out my house.

My home - Vancouver - has already been rented out by Gordon Campbell to the IOC.

You know what I want to know about the Olympics?

Nothing.

I will be Elsewhere, and I won't be watching TV.

I will be eating great food and walking and drinking real espresso and talking with friends and reading and writing and all the lovely people with slats of wood tied to their feet can careen down snowy slopes all they want.

If you can't escape, I suggest you go to a case lot sale at your local supermarket and stock up.

Hibernation will be the ticket.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

David, just pray for snow and the world will see what inept and incompetent burg Vancouver is. Even our SkyTrain doesn't run in the snow!

http://railforthevalley.wordpress.com/2008/12/30/the-wheezy-skytrain-a-real-snow-job/

Evil Eye

Keith said...

after the Olympics are over, there is a possibility that Robson Street will remain closed to traffic, and turned into a pedestrian mall.

Anonymous said...

David, even Jesus could not make sense out of this party for the rich and famous. But I heard that the teachers union wants to teach kids how to protest the olympdicks. Well I am in trade union. I am a trucked that hauls off of the port of Vancouver. We have had 2 bitter disputes , both ended by the provincial and federal governments promises to FIX the ongoing problems at our ports. The promises have never been kept. I have been encouraging my fellow members to call the union and start to organize all sorts of labor chaos for Feb 2010. We might as well protest as it seems clear that we wont be able to truck in Vancouver.

I HOPE ALL TRADE UNION MEMBERS show their disgust with the big party and that peaceful protest is the means to show how unfair this olympdick nightmare is to the good people of Vancouver

John said...

I am praying for snow in the city and rain on the mountains.

Chris M said...

For various reasons we will be in Vancouver during the Olympics.
We're going to have 'stuck in the hood parties' with the other neighbours who will be inside their houses reading,watching their fireplaces and eating food that they have stored in their freezers.
Will we be watching the Olympics?
No I think I'll watch the Food Network and dream about the vacation that we'll take after this nightmare is over.

Gary L. said...

"But yesterday, I caught just enough of the local supper hour news to almost fall off the sofa".
David, I no longer sit on anything that is elevated, while watching the News. I sit on the floor............ I chose this habit around the time we "won" the Olympic Bid.

Gazetteer said...

Well, now I feel much better...

Why?

Because I just learned that Mr. Campbell has only RENTED out the city.

And here, I thought he'd given it all away.

What's that you say?

They haven't actually made the deal to give away the last remaining land N. of False Creek so that the lucky receivers ca build his Gordness that new roof on the Big Marshmallow?

Alrighty then....

Guess the Goodship Watercarrier hasn't gotten the call on that one.

Yet.

.