Thursday, April 29, 2010

Rights and Freedoms Day in Canada

1. Every house on the street boasts well-manicured lawns.

One house grows veggies.

Oy gevaldt!

Call the fuzz!

So one of the lawn nuts says the veggie patch is bringing down his East Vancouver property values.

Let's get some things straight, neigh-booors.

Lawns are idiotic scourges. You want grass, walk three feet to the boulevard, go to the park or call your district dealer. People with lawns are dingbats. They seed and water, water and seed and then they mow, weedwack and hack and cut so they can seed and water. They are noise polluters and engaged in an activity that makes as much sense as washing your car when the world is filled with drive-through car wash joints.

On my street, one guy grows fruit and veggies in his front yard, his back yard, his side yard and on the boulevard. Hundreds flock to his house all summer long to chat with him and marvel at his work. Last year I put my tomato plant in with his patch and they thrived.

On my street, one lady has created a beautiful garden on the boulevard made entirely of tall grasses and big boulders.

Lowered the property values?


2. Being gay or lesbian is a disease.

And it's catching.

Just ask the Catholic Girls school, Little Flower Academy, in Vancouver who have fired a music teacher who is lesbian.

Actually, she is still on the payroll.

She's just not allowed in the classroom.

Of course, she's been working there for ages. She's never been remotely accused of spreading her disease to the little pansies and roses with whom she works.


3. Students at the University of Calgary set up an anti-abortion table in one of the busy hallways.

They were quickly given the bum's rush by security.

The Pro-Life demonstrators use ugly graphic images of fetuses, among other horrors.

I am not a Pro-Lifer. I am not anti-abortion.

But tell me something.

If Canadians cannot voice their opinions and thoughts on a University campus, where then?

Are these kids preaching violence against a recognizable group?


* * *

We are a quiet people, a gentle people. e like our bacon crisp and dry, thank you.

We are sheep.

We are hockey fans.

We are asleep at the wheel.


Anonymous said...

Re #2, perhaps the Catholic church should take such a stand against the rather large number of priests with a predilection for pedophelia (and not just move them from one parish to another). Perhaps Little Flower Academy should request that they no longer receive funding from our secular government to subsidize the tuition (which is rather modest compared to non-religious private schools) they receive from their 'family values', oh so Christian parents.

(aka Dingbat -- who loves veggie gardens but has a lawn, which in all fairness is not really grass but rather more moss)

Dave C. said...


Have we managed to turn that children's rhyme, "Sticks and stones..", inside-out? We tolerate mixed martial arts and punch-ups in hockey but are loath to say anything controversial lest we offend someone.

Time for a Hyde Park speaker's corner in the downtown?


Anonymous said...

Lawms vs veggies. I live in a strata with over 100 good neighbours. The limited use of common property is always a hot topic. When somone wants to "do their own thing" they are told ,if you wanted that kind of freedom then you should have3 bought a single family home. I guess thats not the truth


Imagine a Catholic institution anti gay. Hmmm?

3) If we dont have free speech whos fault is it?
Your right David , Canadians for the most part are sheep. Probably a good thing because if we all spoke up we might be mistaken for Americans


Anonymous said...

This is one reason I always liked backyards...

I used to like to walk down laneways as opposed to streets because I liked gazing at all the gardens and other projects in people's back yards. The front yards were boring. Lawns, maybe a little row of pansies or tulips..

Backyards, that's where people had their canoe in the carport, the old car that the teenager was fixing up, the compost bin and the plum trees. It was where someone had a homemade greenhouse (out of old lumber and plastic) that housed tomatoes early in the season. Each backyard was a unique testament to the person who lived there. If I was lucky, the occupant would be tending to their garden or hobby and might be interested in a little chit chat.

Anyways, it is not as nice to walk down backyards these days. Newer homes have high fences and little yard space available (mostly they are taken up by large garages and I never see the occupants).

Good for your neighbours having gardens in their front yards. It makes the neighbourhood more interesting.

citzen queen said...

Which way to Canada.
'Rights and Freedom in Canada'..?

Not my Canada.

Anonymous said...

From the mouths of Babes. " Grampa lets dig up the front lawn and grow vegetables there," (Noah aged six.) I have had a garden all my life which has fed us fresh veggies in abundance. What has amazed me is the grandson eats absolutely everything that grows in the garden. He prefers veggie platters to sweets and his afterschool snack is a whole sweet red pepper.(We daycare) You know I just might get a bobcat in to remove the lawn and let him go to it. After all now that he is seven he digs all four garden plots for me over the winter. On his 'menu' for this year, celeric root and Kohl Rabbi. Are there any other seven year olds out there with that kind of drive? The point is you involve children in gardening they will garden. He has even taught me a 'trick' or two. For English cucumbers shake all the soil from the roots before planting and they grow better. Grampa left the potting soil on and they died. Go figure. Grampa Frank