Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Snow in Vancouver!
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimetre of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver 's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton.  "I didn't pay $850,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

David,I wonder if Gregor sits in his palace upon his throne thinking:

All snow in Vancouver should be green

We must plow and salt the bike lanes call Victoria and have the sand trucks pulled from the Coquihalla to sand our bike lanes.

Call the Bayshore and rent a couple of floors for use by INCITE and VANDU

Call the police chief and tell him to deny that it snows in Vancouver

Call the CBC and lets have a party downtown. Big screens and let the police have the dat off

Send out bylaw enforcers to ensure all chickens and other livestock are being kept warm and dry. Oh yes reminde myself to dye chickens green.

Raise property taxes. Hell I dont need a reason

Call the Mayors of the TRI CITIES and brief them on how to deal with Sky Train construction.