NEW AXIS, er, AXES, uh, several anyway...

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",> Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis> of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid> Iran-Iraq-North Korea Axis that President George Bush warned of in> his State of the Union address.> Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new> Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are> just as evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim> Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . best at being evil> . We're just the best!"> Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being> excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the> Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President> Bashar al-Assad.> "An Axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi> President Saddam Hussien. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In> World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,> you can only have three, and a secret hand shake. Ours is wickedly > cool."> International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was> swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,> peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has> become a game of geopolitical chairs.> Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis> of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in> the"Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia> established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally> Disagreeable".> With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs> filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called> the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be> Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the> "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some> Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain> established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick".> "Yon's no' a threat, really, jist somethin' we'd like tae dae",> said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.> While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't> perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted provisional> approval for most Axes, although he rejected the establishment of the> "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its> members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,> Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.> Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but> privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.>>>