J.D. Salinger

"If you really want to hear about it..."

One year I traipsed around the winter campus of the University of Manitoba in my tweed great coat. I called it my Holden Caulfield.

"The Catcher in the Rye" is and was and probably will continue to be a monumental success in so many ways - as a piece of literature, a publishing gold mine and a mysteriously alluring cultural icon.

Today when students from other countries ask me what book they should read, I buy them a copy of "Catcher."

Is there a course at any school in North America that doesn't have this slender volume on its required reading list.

A few more books and short stories and then the famous retreat.

Hidden in the woods somewhere in New England, J.D. Salinger became even more famous and more sought-after.

Here is the N.Y. Times obit.

What's Your Sine?

Subject: Teacher Arrested

A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

Victor Has Room to be Peeved

I'll try to be brief.

I do contract work for Aboriginals. As part of this, I often bring
some of them to Vancouver for discussions. Many don't have credit
cards so they can't reserve hotels. No problem. I put their rooms on
my personal credit card and the Federal government pays me after. I
don't charge the Feds for this credit service. I've been doing this
for 9 years. But each time I book a room for a Native , the hotel
requires me to send a photocopy of my credit card, front and back, via
fax. These are hotels where I've done this umpteen times. No fax, no
room. If I offer to read my credit card number over the phone , the
hotel ( I could name a dozen in Vancouver) says that I could be
anybody. Ditto for trying to do it on-line. Like I said, 9 years.

So, as Desi would ask " splain this". I travel a lot. I can give my
credit card number to the reservation person in Toronto and arrive
with the assurance that my room will be waiting. I can book a plane
to Dubai on line with my card and swan up to the desk at the airport
with total assurance. Why, if I am trying to do this for somebody
else, does the hotel require a fax with photocopies of my card and
signatures WHICH ANY DRUNK IN THE LOBBY COULD STEAL?

Is it because the people are Natives? What is the risk. You can't
steal a goddamn room and sneak it past the concierge.

The hotels tell me they are only trying to protect me. From what? I
always send a signed fax stipulating that my card will only cover one
room for one night. If I have paid in advance, why do they give a shit
about who actually sleeps in the bed? They're covered for Chrissakes?

Ok. I'm done.

International Holocaust Remembrance Day 2010

Techo-Warp

Technology!

I recorded and thought that I uploaded almost 5 minutes.

What you get below is only 2:12.

Go explain.

What should follow should be obvious.

The message is that evil such as this cannot be forgotten. Nor is it to be forgiven.

It is to be clearly and painfully remembered.

Do not denigrate words by calling a local politician a "Hitler."

Hitler was unique.

There is evil before and after him, but no one like him.

And the ordinary citizens who helped him carry out his mad plans are you and me.

The Holocaust calls for vigilance and remembrance.

Eye Opener

David;

My wife's employer is shutting down the office for two weeks during the Olympic event because customers are afraid to drive to town; afraid to find parking and are now canceling appointments en mass.

This means the practice will be closed and the 6 employees including the owner will not be paid wages, yet rent is still due and bills must be paid.


This means our family will not have holidays this year, nor will we be able to afford such niceties as swimming lessons for the children.

Our family are not the only ones affected.

So when those many politicians take taxpayer paid for tickets to watch a taxpayer paid for event, think of the thousands of taxpayers who have been negatively affected by the games.

Does VANOC have a conscience at all; does Furlong give a damn? Does Gordo?

Olympic Update

1) Of course, many cities and municipalities are spending tax dollars on tickets for their councillors, employees, friends and family members.

Of course, this is wrong.

Read the story here.

2) Don't know how to smile?

No problem.

Vancouver has produced a 128-page etiquette guide.

Hahahahaha...

The world's coldest, most unfriendly city is going to huggy-bear, kissy-face up overnight with a Warmth for Dummies manual.

Hahahaha...

Someone worked for months on this idiocy.

Someone paid for it.

You!

On Monday, I smiled at a woman who was standing on a corner in my neighbourhood and daringly said, "Good morning."

She glared at me, as she was obviously assaulted by an unsolicited greeting.

Look it up in the criminal code.

Violation 32B11-14.

I added as I passed, "I am truly sorry for saying good morning."

She probably wrote the guide.

3) A friend told me yesterday that she knows someone who is being paid by VANOC to be a sort of traffic cop in BC Place.

Ready for the wage?

$45/hour.

Yes, that's correct.

$45/hour.

Multiply that by a few zillion employees and you'll begin to understand why the Games are so expensive.

The amateur sporting games.

Oh, there is more.

Just because BC Place isn't quite ready for the throngs just yet, don't think that our friend's friend is not being paid.

She is.

She is now being paid $45/hr. to stand by.

4) And finally, the good news.

A friend has forwarded the following:

See below for a list of free or low cost events and exciting venues to check out.

LiveCity Yaletown LiveCity Downtown Richmond's Ozone Canada Pavilion "Streets to Watch" Granville Island "French Quarter" Bombardier Streetcar Heineken House (Richmond) Alberta House Saskatchewan Pavilion Ontario Pavilion Atlantic Canada House Laser Waterworks Show Nightly Medal Ceremony Vectorial Elevation

Robson Square/GE Plaza Bell Ice Cube Vancouver Art Gallery Four Host Nations Pavilion Sochi House Vancouver City Hall Surrey 2010 Celebration Olympic Torch Relay West Vancouver Spirit Square Quebec House CentrePlace Manitoba New Westminster (Keep the Dream Alive) Abbotsford Live Site Canada Line BC Hydro Power Smart Village

Contributors

I cannot find the photo on the Globe's website.

Thus, all I can do is report what I saw this morning.

On page S3 in the Globe BC section, the paper is carrying a story about how Vancouver police will not be rushing to arrest too many people for smoking marijuana during the famous Games.

O.K.

But was it truly necessary to run a half-page photo of someone smoking a joint?

No doubt this is highly amusing and knowing for everyone.

It is also irresponsible and destructive.

Ha ha ...pot is so cute, so benign, so acceptable.

Heck for many it is a cause and a life's devotion and they are seen as cultural heroes.

This half-page photo is simply a small and thoughtless part of the whole ugly drug story.

Dodge City

Poetic irony.

Who knew that drug smugglers had such a deep literary understanding and sophisticated taste. Maybe they all hail from Burnham Wood?

Some geniuses just sent a tombstone from Iran to Vancouver.

The stone was hollow and it contained many, many kilos of opium.

They fools were caught.

Not to worry.

Their lawyers will get them off on a technicality and they will be awarded a national Comedy prize.

Acquisitions & Mergers

Warren Buffet, eat your heart out.

I've just bought Saab and I'm bringing the whole operation to Burquitlam.

There are 12,000 jobs up for grabs and if you're a former bureaucrat or Cambodian refugee, come see me.

So many of my friends and family have asked me, "But why, Dave?" "Why, Dad?"

Simple.

I like a car company with feeling built right into the name.

"Hey, Dave, what's your ride these days?"

"Thanks for asking, Buddy. It's...it's...huh, ah huh, ah huh, oh...it's just Saaaaaaaaaaab."

Pet Peeve Day

A reader has asked that I designate the odd day - and certainly this day qualifies - as "Pet Peeve Day."

O.K.

Send me your pet peeves, please.

I would love to get the ball rolling and set a good example.

But it's impossible for me to name a pet peeve, other than I am peeved by other people's pets.

You see, I am a cantankerous, grouchy old jerk, who is irritated by practically everything.

My favorite quote comes from Jean Paul Sarte.

"L'enfer, c'est les autres."

Hell is other people.

Almost everything and everybody annoys the beetlejuice out of me.

Especially young people and drivers and government and book agents and my best friends, who are consistently maddening.

Now...

That doesn't mean that I'm not great coffee company or a barrel of laughs.

Just don't be late or comment on my clothes or take a call on your effing blackberry or tell me that in addictions we need a "continuum of treatment."

And while you're at it, ask that 11-year old girl who invented coffee if we can have some more brown sugar over here at this table by the drafty door.

Ggrrrhhhhhhhh...

Smile!

And the point of this moment is...?

Fighter Jets to fly over Lower Mainland this week

No kidding.

Yesterday, I was strolling in the 'hood and suddenly I thought I was in a Bruce Willis movie.

See this baby?

He was following me around.

Or so I felt.

Or imagined.

I do have an elevated sense of my own importance, I know, but really, kids!

Enjoy life in Gamesistan.

New...and Very Good

Rare Good News

School or jail.

The choice seems obvious.

Yet it is only now that a local court had found the way to offer some people who break the law a chance to really change their own destiny.

Fourteen people to get a shot at a new life

Three schools offer courses for Judge Gove to allocate in court

This was the story in The Province over the weekend.

Read it and be cheered that we are at least trying something positive.

Then, follow this tale over the coming months and see how many have succeeded.

For this is only the offer and the first step, and many will fail.

But that is life and that is human endeavour and if one person succeeds, we will have done something.

Grief

The news and the stories and photos from Haiti are relentless.

So too are the "good" stories of a world jumping in to help - money, aid, supplies, food, clothing, the adoption of children and plans to try to rebuild a much better community.

But how can one absorb this idea - bulldozers pushing 90,000 dead into newly dug mass graves in the Haitian hillsides?

All praise to those who are helping in any large or small way. If you want to send a dollar, just Google something like "Haiti relief" and I am sure you will find a toll free number or website.

Here at home, I returned from a week of work in Winnipeg to learn that a lovely young woman in our neighbourhood had died.

She was the daughter of a local shop owner.

I scarcely knew her, but I knew her pop and I stopped in to see him.

There were 90,000 and they are real.

And there was one and she was real.

Grief is local and it is universal.

Familiar Ring

I confess ignorance here.

So you will forgive my being shocked by the revelation today that Canadian banks are buoyed by enormous support from me and you and our tax dollars.

At the end of 2008, the latest figures we have, CMHC had $149-billion of investments in mortgage-backed securities on its balance sheet, up from $96-billion the previous year.

Nice.

Does anyone remember what happened not too many miles south not too many months ago?

Text Me

Last night over dinner, a friend pointed out that he knows many young people in their early twenties who text between 200 and 300 messages a day.

These important communications, he added, are typically of the order of "sup?"

Which roughly translated means, "And so Reginald, how is life treating you exactly these days, and how pray tell are you filling your ample time?"

The Globe editorial this morning leaps madly into the fray by suggesting that our youth are

Mesmerized by screens

Well, duh...

What, the writers ask, has ever happened to free play?

What, indeed.

Oddly and happily enough, there are more children than ever going to libraries and soccer practice and ballet lessons and the like.

But that doesn't change the fact that most people under the age of ...40?... are addicted to their cells and blackberries and TVs and computers.

Maybe they're just great at multi-tasking.

Rare Talent

Jean Simmons was one of my favorite movie actors and stars.

She died Friday at her home in Santa Monica at the age of 80.

Simmons was impossibly beautiful and she had the most lovely speaking voice.

And she was unforgettable as Sister Sharon in "Elmer Gantry."

Jean Simmons R.I.P.