Thursday, December 4, 2008

News Flash - From a Commentor

Having decided that the Detroit Red Wings technically won the 2008 Stanley Cup, the Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers and Dallas Stars have formed a coalition demanding a three way ownership of the league title.

Rationale for their decision revolves around their total combined scoring in the 2008 Semi-Finals, their total share of season ticket holders versus the Detroit Red Wings, and their horror at discovering the Detroit Red Wings are using a more cost effective and efficient, but non-union made silver polish, to keep the Stanley Cup gleaming.

The three teams are being assisted in their bid to overturn the traditional results by members of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League who have no real interest in the success of the NHL in general but sense an opportunity to demand Zambonis and other critical equipment be manufactured in Quebec.

Player representatives, team owners and Nike are expected to submit their proposals to Don Cherry in the next few days. Fans and ticket holders are neither being asked or allowed a voice in the final decision.


sean orr said...

Yes of course, anything in Canadian politics can be understood as a hockey anolagy. Government is not a sport where there is one winner and one loser. There is only greater representation and less. Canada is not a Republic. It is a monarchy. Our head of state is Queen Elizabeth. Then a house with a fixed number of seats, each representing a geographic region in Canada, begins parliament, or discussion. They discuss legislation that should be brought to forward for the Queen's approval. Sometimes a party will not win a majority of the seats but are still able to form a government and draft legislation. Sometimes they are not.

David Black said...

The story David posted is funny, but not really applicable. A better analogy is:

Red Wings Demand End to NHL Season

Detroit Red Wings' owner Mike Illitch has announced that he is asking NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman to suspend all further play in the current NHL hockey season.

"The Detroit Red Wings already have the Stanley Cup," said Illitch, "and we see no reason to continue to play hockey with the other 29 teams in the league just so that they can keep trying to take it away from us."

"We don't care about the impact this may have on the revenues of other teams," said the multi-billionaire, "nor upon the livelihoods of the players, the concerns of the fans, or the future of hockey."

"We have the Cup, we're going to keep it, and that's that," he stated.

The Red Wings have been having trouble this season with the teams in their own division, having suffered 3 of their 4 regulation losses against the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Boston Bruins and the Montreal Canadiens.

"Those teams, especially, seem to be ganging up on us," Illitch said, "and we don't like that either."

"They need to respect us and keep their fighting amongst themselves," he added.

"That's the Red Wing way," he continued, "and we're going to wait it out until they and all the other teams see that salary caps, gate equalization payments, and league parity have absolutely no place in the game."

"In fact, we don't even think there should be any more playoffs, and that the team winning the President's Trophy should be awarded the Stanley Cup automatically."

The Red Wings have won the President's Trophy 6 times since it was first awarded in 1986, but have won the Stanley Cup only twice in the last ten years.

"First-past-the-post," concluded Illitch, "and that should be it."