Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Science Update

Thanks to Chris Tibbs and our regular commentator, MURDOCK, for this ditty. Perhaps it will bring a smile to your face.

Governmentium: A New Metal?

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 ssistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded byvast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take
from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons’ promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy
as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


MurdocK said...

You are welcome David.

Anonymous said...

Best laugh I've had all day.

Damn BC separatists.

Gary said...

Speaking as a Member in good standing, of the Friends Of The Morons, B.C. Chapter 124, I would like to thank Murdock for his well researched article regarding something that I know a little bit about. It is like a breath of fresh air, to see such indepth reporting.

Cheers, Gary.

Anonymous said...

Having decided that the Detroit Red Wings technically won the 2008 Stanley Cup, the Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers and Dallas Stars have formed a coalition demanding a three way ownership of the league title.

Rationale for their decision revolves around their total combined scoring in the 2008 Semi-Finals, their total share of season ticket holders versus the Detroit Red Wings, and their horror at discovering the Detroit Red Wings are using a more cost effective and efficient, but non-union made silver polish, to keep the Stanley Cup gleaming.

The three teams are being assisted in their bid to overturn the traditional results by members of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League who have no real interest in the success of the NHL in general but sense an opportunity to demand Zambonis and other critical equipment be manufactured in Quebec.

Player representatives, team owners and Nike are expected to submit their proposals to Don Cherry in the next few days. Fans and ticket holders are neither being asked or allowed a voice in the final decision.

Peter G said...

I was sure that Governmentium contained a sustantial number of felons.

MurdocK said...

Right on Peter G!

However once felons become inert, usually after a period of incarceration, they transmute into morons.