George W Bush and Andy Dick

fabulously funny

Hookers' Rights My Top Concern

Yes, that's what I think about first thing every morning when I open my eyes and face another day in the heavenly jurisdiction of Canada:

"Gosh," I mutter not too loudly lest I disturb the neighbours, "I hope and trust that there are no infringements today on any sex worker's rights to freedom of expression. Cause if there were, Boy, that would make it a rough day for me."

"Thank goodness," I continue, emboldened now by the sounds of 3 dogs barking, "thank goodness for all those good and civic-minded lawyers who are attending to these pressing urgencies."

Insights Abound At Parole Board

Boxter Boy is "selfish and hedonistic."

Wow!

Who knew that the Parole Board could be so incisive?

Funny, they never once asked him what he did for a living and they never once called him an unrepentant criminal, which is what he is and has always been and will always be.

Excitement at City Hall

"I think it's a great idea," said GVRD vice-chairman and Vancouver Councillor Peter Ladner.

This is what turns Pete on?

The GVRD will be renamed Metro Vancouver. YAWN!

This will only cost taxpayers a few million in signage, business cards, letterhead, fax paper.

Why this is exciting, isn't it?

Right up there with Kim Capri's organic eggs motion.

This is the dumbest city council in living memory.

Deep Thought

I've just noticed, after all these months of furious blogging, that most of the people I slag on a regular basis are politicians and criminals.

Funny how that works.

Victor GuestBlogger on the Second Worst Mayor in Vancouver History

The Vancouver Sun (Stunned?) saw fit, once again this week to give a platform to Larry Campbell. In this case, Larry was railing against the Harper government's alleged disrespect for what Larry refers to as the chamber of "sober" second thought. Coming from the Senator from Cirrhosis, a man who's head glows like Rudolph's nose, the term sober is a knee-slapper. Larry goes on to assure readers that he and his colleagues in Geriatric Slumber Room are a non-partisan lot, carefully approaching their duties without bias. Larry's memory is perhaps a victim of his lifestyle. Otherwise he would recall that the only reason he sits in the Palace of Patronage is because his verbal fatwa against Harper during the last election earned him instant gratitude and a multi-million dollar reward(pension and perks included) from Paul Martin.

"Stonewall" Oppal Rides Again

Wally Oppal, like every politician before him and all that will follow, is an endlessly charming gentleman.

And for all we know he is a good and decent soul.

But like all politicians before and after him, he sings from the Jean Chretien hymn book: "Do nothing; then nothing can be held against you."

Daphne Bramham has done us all a great public service by stepping harshly and repeatedly on the neck of Polygamy.

But when the paper carried a 40-point blaring headline this morning that "Stonewall" (as one of our Commenters called the AG today) "might" take the offenders to court, Ms. Bramham was quick to point out that Wally has been sitting on his hands for many months on this file, among others.

Wally is a great PR man. He makes appearances at rallies, dialogues and discussions. He frowns and looks terribly concerned about everything and everybody and he sees nothing but health and happiness for all of our futures.

And then he goes back to his shelter and turns on "The Price is Right."

Boxter Boy is the Poster Child for Canadian Law

I named him "Boxter Boy."

It caught on.

The day after he killed an innocent young man, who was crossing Knight Street, I ranted on the radio for almost 2 hours about this horrible excuse for a human being.

I urged the fool to give himself up, turn himself in. The audience and phone-in callers were easily as outraged and horrified as I.

Well, Boxter Boy, Cliff Tang, got a 4 year sentence and a 10-year driving suspension.

Of course, he's at it again. He never really stopped his criminal, lawless anti-social behaviour.

BUT...the Parole Board let him out on Parole and he was shortly arrested again and sent back to jail.

He has a rap sheet many pages long and many years long.

BUT...we aren't serious about our legal and social responsibilities in this country.

Turn to the Business section of today's paper and read about the acquittal of the man behind the Bre-X gold fraud.

Here are the comments of 2 Canada watchers:

"Canada has an enforcement problem," said Columbia University law Professor, John Coffee. "Bre-X remains a synonym for securities fraud."

Peter Bowal, of the University of Calgary, says that Canada is a haven for white-collar crime because of its toothless securities laws. "It's a joke on the prosecution side and also on the sanction side."

For two days now, the Sun has been running an excellent series about fraudulent ESL schools and hookers brought in from Asia as "students."

Almost daily, we are presented with new revelations about the truths behind the Air India murders.

The only people remaining in Canada who have not lost all hope about our criminal justice system seem to be judges and politicians, neither of whom are open to change. The rest of us bailed long ago.

What we are left with is the useless and inappropriate daydream that someone will run over Boxter Boy.

The "Helpers" are the Biggest Addicts

The AIDS Committee of Ottawa will not be stopped.

The City of Ottawa has finally come to its senses and agreed that it will no longer fund the ACO in their 2 year disaster of providing free crack pipe kits to addicts.

But that hasn't slowed down the well meaning (The road to hell is paved with the best intentions.) determined helpers at ACO.

Addicted as they are to "helping" the helpless (and keeping the helpless helpless, so that they can keep helping them), the ACO will find its own money for continuing the devil's handiwork.

"Our mandate is to prevent the transmission of HIV and to improve the lives of people infected, said Kathleen Cummings, Executive Director. "The safe inhalation program is a proven way to do that."

Here is their official mission statement taken from their website.

"Since 1985, the AIDS Committee of Ottawa (ACO) has worked to empower people living with HIV/AIDS and the PHA (persons with HIV/AIDS) community in Ottawa through promoting the well-being and quality of life of those living with or closely affected by HIV/AIDS. "

Admirable enough, one would think.

Until you realize that what they are handing out is crack pipes, rubber mouth pieces and sterile swipes.

Why not clean shot glasses for drunks?

Why not lead a bus load of child molesters to the playground every morning?

Why not provide car thieves with bright new tools each day?

Ever consider helping someone to STOP using and get on with his sorry life?

Oh, no. But then you wouldn't have a customer for your so-called "Compassion."

Carole Taylor Restless?

Vaughn Palmer's column in the Sun this morning is, as usual, right on.

When Carole Taylor spoke up recently about the plight of Cambie Street merchants, we could feel the winds of change in the air.

Watch for Ms. Taylor to make some interesting moves in the coming months.

Time for a Maritime Centre

A Maritime Centre being planned for North Vancouver is long overdue.

The Maritime Museum is a national disgrace, which is why James Delgado, the marvelous Executive Director, left not long ago for bluer waters.

The basement archives contain acres of priceless artifacts, including documents and furniture from the Titanic, none of which can be shown to the public, because there is not enough exhibition space.

Administration after administration, local, provincial and federal, have ignored our REAL water-borne history.

If this plan for a maritime centre has any teeth we will welcome it. Perhaps Vancouverites will finally notice that this town is not run on latte, that it is a port city.

Ingmar Bergman

We all grew up on Hollywood movies, and we loved them. What's not to love? MGM Musicals, Bogie and Cagnie tough guys, westerns, Gregory Peck winning the War for us, Joan Crawford and Barbara Stanwyck re-defining women in society.

Then we found Bergman.

Fog and shadows and lust and murder and friendship and talismen set in a cold, intimidating black and white landscape.

Eleven movies with Max Van Sydow and how many with Liv Ullman?

The Washington Post has "the rest of the story."

Bill Walsh

The San Fransisco 49ers had been perennial doormats for years. Yes, they had some great players, like John Brody, who went on to become a pretty good scratch golfer. But they were rarely "contendahs."

Then, along came Bill Walsh, Joe Montana, Dwight Clark, Randy Cross and Jerry Rice.

Here is a wonderful write-up on Walsh's life and career from a Bay Area source.

My son was a huge fan of Tom Snyder...Snyder was a marvelous broadcaster. There is no place in broadcast for the likes of Snyder today.

Name Names and let Shame take its Toll

A maniac is driving along Marine Drive in West Vancouver at 10:30 in the morning with his kids in the car. He has a blood alcohol level of 3.3, which is a) 4 times the legal limit, and b) enough to embalm the hardiest among us.

The police will not release the name of this fool and public menace. Why?

"We are going to great lengths to protect the identity of the children."

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The children are already deeply harmed by having a drunk for a father.

Publishing this man's name and foto might....might!...just shame him into sobriety. It is not a given, but it has worked for some others in the past.

By shielding this puke from public scrutiny, the police are ENABLING his chronic bad behaviour.

Doesn't anybody in charge know the mechanics of addiction?

Pull the covers on this guy and let him suffer. He is on the way to killing me and you and his kids and himself. By protecting him, you are NOT protecting me and his children. You are putting us all in harm's way.

Bombers Will be Protected by Charter

David Hahn, the CEO of BC Ferries, would like to see the lunatic who called in a bomb threat on Sunday caught and sent to jail for ever.

Clearly, Mr. Hahn, an American, who for all we know still carries and American passport, has much to learn about local jurisprudence.

Here is your lesson for today, Dave...if I may call you Dave.

If and when this sucker is ever found, his legal aid lawyer will have him off and out in a nonce, successfully arguing that the a-hole's Charter Rights allow him to practice his stand-up comedy routines from any pay phone in the land and using any funny accent he chooses.

"MAYOR ON COKE"

This is a perfect example of how headlines can be misleading.

You thought, perhaps, that I was going to give you some juicy scandal about an elected official on drugs.

Well...almost.

I just thought when the union is calling negotiations with the City "twilight zone," it might be a good time to remind you all what Mayor Sam Sullivan has said many times in public and private about Coca-Cola.

The Nutty Mayor reminds us whenever he can create the opportunity that in its original formulation, Coca-Cola contained cocaine in some small measure. He then goes on to suggest that the coke in coke should be returned because it would "help us all take the edge off."

This is, of course, the home-spun language of the addict.

And you wonder why the guy who starts his day with a shot of whiskey wants to give pills to teen-age addict prostitutes.

Bombing the Coast - Ferries Hit by Threat

BC Ferries were held at ransom yesterday afternoon by a bomb threat.

The Globe & Mail coverage of that story can be read here.

It strikes me that nothing could be easier to attack than the wide-open, vulnerable and trusting ferries system.

The federal government has recently given the company $4 Million to beef up security, but 2) that's a minnow in an ocean, and b) the underpaid, sleepy staff I would think would be most susceptible to bribes and duplicity of one kind or another.

We have been peacefully trolling these shores for some time now and we have come to expect a certain kind of generosity and neighbourliness of behaviour. To introduce the modern realities of middle-eastern terrorism to the Gulf Waters is jarring indeed.

The End of the World As We Know It

“Who knows, in 10 years we could be looking back on this as a very significant moment,” said Rob Correa, senior vice president for programming at CBS Sports.

What is this fool talking about? Philosophical debates on the place of human beings in nature?

Here is what he is talking about:

"Video Game Matches to Be Televised on CBS"

Read the entire bewildering saga here, and then you'll understand why I don't miss the wonderful world of broadcast.