Friday, November 13, 2009

Victor's Got a Burning Torch

I am not anti-Olympics but I am really bored with the torch stories.
If we have to endure this for another 100 days how about some edgy
torch stories. How about these?

At a Prince George strip bar, 12 guys standing at urinals pass the
torch to each other.

In Vancouver's downtown east side, 15 crack addicts race shopping
carts while lighting crack pipes with the torch.

At a Winnipeg WalMart, 9 obese shoppers pas the torch while sitting
and eating nachos.

At Kingston penitentiary, 5 inmates pass the torch while getting
manicures and massages.

At Toronto airport, 137 illegal immigrants launch a class action suit
for not getting a chance to run the torch. [Hahahaha...editorial comment...this is my favorite...hahaha]

In Ottawa, caregivers carry the torch past 8 sleeping Senators
debating a crime bill.

In Victoria, the torch extinguishes suddenly and the Liberals blame
the Glen Clark government.

In Oshawa, 14 auto workers on their third one hour break, pass a zippo
lighter and demand a bonus.

Add your own.


Anonymous said...

In Toronto, Olympic torch bearers are required to wear 100% wool coats and cashmere scarves while running alongside a purebred dog whose coat matches the colour of their own and whose collar matches the colour of their scarf.They must also wear shiny black dress shoes.

In Vancouver, the 11,000+ strong urban aboriginals will be forced to stand on the sidelines and cheer, forced to pretend they are not insulted, ignored, or treated like children while reps of the much smaller Four Host First Nations carry the torch proudly.

In Nanaimo, Hells Angels on Harleys zoom through town at 150 km/hour, torches shoved down the front of their pants, with Quatchi, Miga, and Sumi hanging on for dear life in the bitch seats.

On Commercial Drive, runners wrap the torch in Italian flags, jump into a convertibles, and scream goal goal goal goal goal throughout the route.

At the North Fraser pre-trial centre, Marc Emery sobs uncontrollably when, looking at the torch, he imagines the equivalent-size spliff he could light with it. Too weak to run from years spent lying on a couch in a fog, he drops the torch after three steps.

The Canucks start out well, running proudly with the torch held aloft, before simultaneously breaking their legs, fingers, toes,ankles, shoulders, and hands; catching the flu, and getting concussions.

David Berner, splendidly recovered from his heart incident, jogs strongly along the route, torch held aloft, with absolutely no untoward incidents except that he kicks a whiney protestor in the cojones so he can continue his leg uninterrupted.

Anonymous said...

A torch was passed from behind somebody farted and caused a blue angel,it was spectacular and resembled a religious image fortunately it was caught on film and is being sold on ebay!current bid $.05 .

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Great stuff!