Just Hold Up Your Hand, Dear

You're cousin, Bobby, being the shmock that he is, is texting his girlfriend and walks smack into a moving bus.

You go to the hospital and you get the following report from the Head Nurse.

Bobby is "progressing with difficulty."

Translation?

He's about 12 shakes from dead.

Or. he's "progressing well."

Translation - he ate prunes last night and he read half a newspaper column before drifting back into a sort of coma.

Or, he's "progressing very well."

Meaning, he's organized the ward volleyball tournament and had sand brought in for the first round of competition.

Isn't modern language helpful?

Now, Ontario teachers are getting fed up with hysterical parents shrieking that their little brat got a "C" in multicultural understanding or sex ed or whatever the topic of the day was.

So, ABC's are going out the report card window.

The new cards will say...

You guessed it, you clever ragamuffins, "progressing with difficulty, progressing etc, etc. etc..."

Which means that even if little Hymie or Patel or Shafik or Erin can't spell "mouse" or rhyme it with spouse or house or louse, he/she will always be "progressing" in some form or other.

Now.

Aren't we sleeping better knowing that the education of our children and grandchildren is in such good hands?