Follow the Money

Two stories in this morning's paper reveal the problem of not having enough real writers or enough real resources or enough political will to pursue stories to their natural conclusions.

Both stories concern City Hall.



In the first, we are teased about the possible re-alignment of taxes. Maybe businesses will be taxed less and homes a bit more. All of that is worthy of consideration. All of that is important, especially to small business owners who pay the highest tax rates in the country, and to home owners who pay a small fortune in taxes themselves.



But nowhere have I see or heard anyone ask, "What are we getting for our money?" Nobody has asked Vancouver City Hall to hold its books to the light.



The truth is that, like all good bureaucracies, Vancouver City Hall spends untold millions of total nonsense. Do you know about all the departments and all the meetings and all the discussions and all the real work that never gets done because first it has to be talked about for 6 months.



It is clear to anyone with a moment's business experience that 50% of all City Hall business could be dropped today and the only difference that would make is that we could lower the taxes for everyone.



I know of an architect who was making about $160,000 a year in private practice. That was the good news. The bad news was that he was working 26 hours a day, 9 days a week.



He smartly moved to City Hall as a Planner or some such. Now he earns exactly the same amount of money, but he works 4 days a week, leaves the office at 3 and spends quality time with his wife and young sons. Good for him.



The second story concerns the admirable efforts of the Vancouver City Police to catch those 2 assholes who beat the woman almost to death the other morning as she went to the 29th Avenue Skytrain Station. That's the good news. The Police are trying to catch the Bad Guys.



But the story not told is that the Police should be at that Skytrain Station and 10 other "hot spot" Skytrain Stations every morning and every night. But that's not going to happen in our lifetimes because City Hall doesn't want more police.



In fact, if you know anything, you would know that THE NUTTY MAYOR is on an active campaign to limit and discredit the police. The Mayor hates the Police and wants LESS of them in every way. Very soon he will announce the appointment of his new Director of The Civil City. And he expects the Chief of Police to share duties with this new WunderCat.



You want more police. You want more police in public, on the stroll, visible, obvious, present.



But you are not City Hall.

Baghdad Explodes; Bush Persists

Shortly after the American attack on Baghdad, Donald Rumsfeld was asked about "the insurgencies" that were obvious on every street corner. The then Secretary of Defense dismissed these actions and isolated and irrelevant and "clearly just looters."

Well, Rummy is gone - thank Christ - and yesterday "the looters," in a series of coordinated attacks killed almost 200 people.

The day before that, Bush cheapened the lives of the dead by using the old, emotional blackmail stunt of referring to the sacrifice of soldiers and their families in his latest attempt to justify this dreadful, unwinnable war.

Look at the destruction for yourself.

Bruce Springsteen - Highway Patrolman

Here's The Boss at his best. From the quiet, haunting acoustic album, "Nebraska." How reflective is this of the last few days?

Humpty Dumpty Land

Crook gets out of prison. Four days later he steals razor blades from a store. Store fuzz spot the fool. Fool runs. Scuffle ensues. Fool and Fuzz fall. Down, down, down they tumble, and with them goes Canadian jurisprudence.

In a heap at the bottom of the stairs, the Store Fuzz, now really high with excitement, rattle the Fool's cage a bit. Tooth or two go missing.

A few days after this melodrama, Fool is busted by the real Fuzz for stealing a car. Date: Aug.27/04 for the Great Razor Blade Caper.

By the way, if you think Fool was heisting the blades to shave with, you're about as clueless as the Judge who is next up in our story.

Yesterday, Judge William "I'll Believe Any Sob Story You Throw at Me, Buster" Ehreke ruled that the Fool deserves $12,000 in compensation from the store and the Store Fuzz for the missing tooth or teeth.

Don't judge Da Judge too harshly. He went to school a lot, became a lawyer, lived in Kerrisdale, or one of the other leafy glens, was appointed to da bench and has never spent a nano-second in the real world amongst real, dirty people. Never shot a game of pool, never played an evening of poker, never touched himself, told a dirty joke or peaked at the girls in gym class. In short, he's an over-educated, under-wise dork in a position way, way, way beyond him. His name is Ehreke. Is that pronounced, "EEEEEEEERRRRKKKKKKKKKK!!!!"

Let us pray now, Brethren, that the Store and its Fuzz appeal this non-decision.

The Pivot Legal Society, who believe that they are fighting at all times to uphold the law for tiny people everywhere, have argued that the provincial government must provide "greater public protection against abuse of authority by private security guards."

I have a simple question, kids.

When you're standing at an ATM at 9 pm getting out a little coffee money for tomorrow, who are you afraid of - the security guards, or the FUCKING CRIMINALS?

Is the Red Color Injected Dye?

I don't mind Mexican tomatoes. I just don't like being lied to.

When the main message is BC HOTHOUSE, and the rest is produced in Mexico....

See, not only do I not mind Mexican tomatoes, I'm prepared to go out on a vine and sponsor a Mexican tomato, marry one if that's what it takes.

And there's always the question of pesos. If I'm paying $X for BC HOTHOUSE, shouldn't I be paying $X - 100 for tomatoes produced in Mexico? Don't they pay workers about one ninetyth of the wage that workers earn here in our hothouses?

It's Not About Mr. Cho, Stupid. It's About Guns

Twenty-three year old Mr. Cho walked into a local gun shop, produced 3 pieces of identification, waited a few minutes for the local constabulary to clear him (He had no previous record.) and walked out the proud new owner of a Glock 9 mm automatic pistol.

What is the purpose of a Glock 9mm pistol?

Fun Fair with the family?

Sports? Amusement? Dinner conversation?

Why is it both legal and in every social way acceptable to buy this kind of killing machine on every second street corner in America?

Why does everyone assume that this kind of business is normal? That this is the definition of "business as usual."

This rant is not about casting blame. But it is about making a point.

Mr. Cho is not the story. He is not even interesting. There are nut jobs everywhere amongst us, waiting to explode. Witness the front page story today about the schizophrenic addict who burned down his mother's house. What are you going to do, blame their parents? Send everyone to Parenting Class? Yell at God for making some people less reasonable than others.

But this is a great opportunity for Americans and Canadians to look at some basic assumptions we share in out daily lives.

The question in this tragedy is not "Why?" All the shrinks in the world can't tell you why, and the ones who claim they can are as delusional as the people they are trying to describe.

The question is "How do we stop facilitating crazy people during their worst moments?"

Now, I have been asked if I approve of the complete abolishment of all guns from all citizens.

No, I do not. That would lead, with terrifying rapidity, to a totalitarian central government.

But I do not want gun shops selling every manner of small and powerful personal armaments on every street corner. Has that desire somehow threatened your rights or your sense of personal safety? Sorry.

The NRA has been quick to argue that, if all of those students and professors, now dead and injured, has themselves been armed, one of them would have killed Mr. Cho right smart. Remember that there are several states in the USA where carrying a firearm is legal and commonplace. The proponents of this "lifestyle" argue that life is quiet in their home towns, because the bad guys know what they're up against.

Great. Pardon me if I don't vacation there.

Asking questions and raising debate about how we live is not casting blame. It is asking questions and raising debate.

I think some guns should be available for some people. Which guns, which people is another, lengthy post.

I do not think that millions of small, deadly personal firearms should be available at every strip mall for all people without a criminal record to buy. I think this public policy leads to deadly consequences. I think the horror of Virginia Tech speaks exactly to this issue.

Definitions

I was on a movie set all day today.

As we all approached the day's work, an actress asked, "What? What happened?"

Several of us explained to her about The Massacre.

You see, her dog had been sick yesterday and she didn't see or hear or read the news.

We define ourselves also by what we notice...and what we ignore.

Marvin Gaye

listen to the timely words...this is practically an anthem for this morning

The Gun Culture

There was a photograph in the newspaper over the weekend of a woman and her child. The child was a toddler asleep in his or her little wheely thing. The mother was holding with both hands, and aiming, a monstrous, mothering big 9 mm automatic pistol. The mother and child were attending a National Rifle Association gun show in Las Vegas. This is how some people spend their time. And money.

Now, this. The Massacre.

Look, nobody can stop a determined suicide or mass killer. There are crazy people everywhere at all times in history and if they're going to do something awful, all the sociologists and criminologists strung end to end in the world will not prevent the ultimate tragedy from happening.

But America is a Gun Culture.

No sooner did CNN begin its wrap-around non-stop coverage ("Take cover and be careful, but send us your videos," they advised the students yesterday.), then President Bush weighed in with the important qualifier that the 2nd Amendment "right to bear arms" was still a crucial and cherished part of the American democratic fabric.

The CNN coverage was many things - excellent, as always, maddening, boring, displacing, fine, professional and, in some ways, completely deranged.

The deranged parts were the constant close-ups of REALLY BIG GUNS.

They just don't get it.

A friend in the office told me yesterday that for a while they had a former American Secret Security guy living on their street here in Vancouver. He used to tell them that when his 6 year old went to play with a neighbour, the first question they asked of the parents was, "Where do you keep your guns?" Not, "Do you have a gun?" Not, "a gun?" But, "Where do you keep THE GUNS?"

I remember vividly being puzzled by the discreet little blue and white signs sticking in the perfectly manicured lawns of homes in Palm Springs, California some 30 years ago. "Armed Response!" In other words, if you trespass, we will shoot you.

Nice.

Scorsese finally won his Oscar this year for that dreadful piece of muck, "The Departed." This a movie entirely about shooting people. There is not one memorable character. Not one Memorable line of dialogue or set piece. No humour, no near-porno sex. Nothing. Just guns and shooting people, just as his worst movie, "Gangs of New York," was all about knives and blades and slicing people.

"Guns don't kill people. People kill people." This is the mantra of the NRA and all the other idiots with small weenies.

"Not over my dead body!" hollered Charlton Heston at an NRA convention a few years back.

If you Google the word "guns," 84,300,000 answers are retrieved in 0.05 seconds.

Let's be thankful for a moment that, although gun use is on the rise here and guns are smuggled across the border as we speak, Canada remains a relatively non-gun culture.

And let's shake our heads in sadness, shame and sorrow for The Massacre.

Art Smart

Art update.

The Vancouver Art Gallery has removed the insects and reptiles from one of its current exhibits. The SPCA says it is satisfied. But the chief curator of the gallery says this amounts "to silencing the artist's voice."

HAHAHAHAHA!

Silencing the artist's voice is censoring James Joyce and Henry Miller.

Installations and videos in art galleries are among the world's greatest scams, shams, skunks and con jobs. The fact that curators around the world have fallen for this self-indulgent, artless, lazy nonsense is hysterical.

No doubt the next exhibit, "Dog Poo Revisited, #13," will be a major hit.

Anywhere You Hang Your Hat

In Canada, what is ON your head is clearly much, much more important than what is IN your head.

We are a nation of "headists."

First there was the stink about who could wear a motorcycle helmet. Then the national riot about RCMP officers wearing a turban rather than a cap. That one almost brought the house down. Then, a month or so ago, we had the hideous spectacle of 11-year old girls daring to wear their hijabs on a soccer pitch. The world soccer governing MEN at FIFA had to be called in to settle that one. No scarves, the wise ones declared for time immemorial.

That last incident took place in Quebec.

Which is interesting, because so has the latest "headist" eruption.

Another 11-year old girl has gone quite mad and dared to wear her hijab to a tae kwon do tournament. Of course, she was immediately removed from the field. The spokesman for the local Montreal tourney was a cartoon of a satire of an impression of a "peasouper" francophone. Sometimes I wonder if these stories are invented by out-of-work comedy writers and peopled by out-of-work casting agents.

Aside from the righteous declarations of "how da game his played" by the rotten toothed spokesman, the most comical element of this farce is the fact that the children are all wearing big, padded safety helmets. The offending hijab is not even visible, let alone some kind of hazard.

So, enough.

Here's my suggestion.

From now on, let's make the sombrero the official head covering of Canada. It is large and visible and fun. And it is unwieldy, which means you can't really do much more in a sombrero than have a drink or a siesta. Which is what most Canadians are busy doing most of the time anyway.

Andres Segovia - Asturias

As long as I can remember, the name Andres Segovia was synonamous with the classical guitar. This should show you why.

Duke Ellington - Satin Doll

The relationship between Duke and Billy Strayhorn was complex and worthy of a few PhD dissertations for sure. What is never a mystery however is the result: rich, original, unforgettable, timeless. This contribution is from a regular commentator. Many thanks, M.

Independent Lens

Here's just a little taste of the GENIUS of Billy Strayhorn, the gay, black writer, arranger who wrote and arranged so many of Duke Ellington's hits, including "Take the A Train."

Go the library or a good book store and read "Lush Life," the wonderful bio of Strayhorn. Without him, there was no American music.

Rush-ing to Judgment

Here's another wonderful discovery.

A website/blog called "Media Matters." In this edition, the writer(s) chronicle a seemingly endless list of Don Imus-like racist, sexist disgusting comments from rich and famous American Radio Talk Show Hosts.

Check this out!

Duplicity Exposed

This is great!

A blog called "The Real McCain" that completely skewers this double-talking phoney deparado, including marvelous video.

If you believe in the basic, inherent falseness of most politicians (and why wouldn't you?), then you'll love this.

"We've Hit an Iceberg"

Today is the anniversary (April 15, 1912) of one of the greatest sea stories of all time - the sinking of the Titanic. No wonder this story has been made into at least 3 movies that I can think of, although there may be more.

The Maritime Museum, right here at Kits Point, terribly underfunded, has real Titanic memorabilia stashed away in its basement stores. It's worth a visit. And, of course, Victoria has a HUGE wave of Titanica on right now and that certainly seems worth a visit.

Finally, go to your specialty video store - Videomatica on 4th Avenue is a great one, and their website is right here in the right-hand column - and rent "A Night To Remember," made in 1958. Not anywhere near as spectacular as James Cameron's great and great, big movie, it is nevertheless just as powerful for the way all the stories told become one tragic and terrifying story.

The Big Wrinkle

Nobody wants to die.

Especially in Canada, where we have one of the fastest grow "old" populations in the world.

No surprise then that the "anti-aging" pharmaceutical and herb industry is positively raving these days.

Read this piece in the NY Times this morning, and remember: Sucker beware. We all come with an expiry date.

More For Kevin

The headline out of Australia is "Islamic Hate Film Gets PG Rating."

You have to read this to believe it. A movie that urges children to blow themselves up and vilifies Jews as "pigs" has been approved for general viewing by the Oz bureaucrats.

Ask Kevin Potvin to read this and ask him if he understands what happened on September 11th?

Nowhere to Run, Kevin

O.K. Now I've read Kevin Potvin's original editorial about 9/11. And you can read it too.

Sometimes people go out of their way to be fresh, original, daring. Remember Don Imus?

Potvin's newspaper, "The Republic," is a valuable addition to the local scene. It truly is different. And with the "convergence" of print, broadcast and cyberspace under the (mis)management of one or two families or corporations, we urgently need other voices. Including Potvin's.

But the now famous editorial in which Potvin rejoiced at the sight of the twin towers collapsing in on themselves is unforgettably awful. Cheering on Osama and declaring the 9/11 insanity an attack on "corporatism and militarism," is so dead wrong that one wonders how Mr. Potvin can recover.

Certainly, if I were the leader of a national political party, I would not have Potvin run for election on my banner. Let's hope Elizabeth May, Green Party leader, is a clear thinker.