Just Hold Up Your Hand, Dear

You're cousin, Bobby, being the shmock that he is, is texting his girlfriend and walks smack into a moving bus.

You go to the hospital and you get the following report from the Head Nurse.

Bobby is "progressing with difficulty."

Translation?

He's about 12 shakes from dead.

Or. he's "progressing well."

Translation - he ate prunes last night and he read half a newspaper column before drifting back into a sort of coma.

Or, he's "progressing very well."

Meaning, he's organized the ward volleyball tournament and had sand brought in for the first round of competition.

Isn't modern language helpful?

Now, Ontario teachers are getting fed up with hysterical parents shrieking that their little brat got a "C" in multicultural understanding or sex ed or whatever the topic of the day was.

So, ABC's are going out the report card window.

The new cards will say...

You guessed it, you clever ragamuffins, "progressing with difficulty, progressing etc, etc. etc..."

Which means that even if little Hymie or Patel or Shafik or Erin can't spell "mouse" or rhyme it with spouse or house or louse, he/she will always be "progressing" in some form or other.

Now.

Aren't we sleeping better knowing that the education of our children and grandchildren is in such good hands?

Sshhhh...we're making money here!

Big Pharma sells billions of dollars of product to the Ontario Government.

To sweeten the deal, Pharma gives Ontario huge rebates - some rumoured at 40% or better.

That's called doing business.

But, lest other buyers all round the drug-addicted world complain and want maybe a similar deal, Pharma and Ontario carry out their transactions under the famous Cone of Silence.

That's also called doing business.

Now, a bunch of nasty, selfish truth-tellers want this info out in public.

The frightening argument is that this is tax money, public money, that is being spent.

Lots of public money.

God forbid the public should ever know how its money is being handled.

Pharma is now running around with great big black hoodies, trying to shushhh everybody up, lest word get out that they really make such enormous profits that they can easily discount - if the order if large enough, Serge - by almost half.

Keep in mind that pharmaceuticals comprise the biggest single charge in our bloated GDP-devouring health care budgets.

God forbid there might be any transparency in this bazaar.

Just Stop it, You Two

Oh, look.

A B.C. Provincial government is union-busting.

B.C. Health Minister proposes ambulance shakeup

Paramedics could be rolled into new union, but that's a way to break up their local, CUPE official says

What is this - the '60's?

I've now been here in Vancouver almost 50 years.

As long as I can remember, this kind of headline has been a staple.

Can these two groups - government and unions - ever get along in Frontier Land?

I guess that'll happen when the Israelis and the Arabs get it together.

Cellular Division

The other day I wrote about the town of Tofino, which wants no Starbucks, Tim Hortons or Big Macs clouding up its pristine landscape.

As usual, some people called me names.

(There are many among us who know only one way of disagreeing with someone - make a personal attack. They are called children.)

Well, get out the insults, because I've found another little paradise that wants to pull a Brigadoon and stay out of the calendar.

It's the lovely little village of New Denver in the Kootenay Mountain/Slocan Valley neighbourhood.

I've stayed there overnight on a bicycle trip. I like it a lot.

New Denver doesn't want cell phones.

And Telus, being the giant monster that it is, can't brook that idea.

WHAT? SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT US???

So Entwhistle and Co. have gone to all the right authorities to get the RIGHT to do business in New Denver.

The towers are going up as we speak.

Soon the 600 people in New Denver can walk into moving traffic while texting just like everyone else in the so-called civilized world.

One of the "progressives" claims that B&B's and Inns and coffee shops are losing thousands of dollars because tourists won't come to a place with no cell service.

Hogswill.

Cells are an obsession.

Idiots can't see the trees and the architecture in front of them because they must talk and text.

I welcome some No Cell Zones.

Stay small, New Denver.

It's a good thing.

Plant Me, Baby

This is the way we spend your money, spend your money, spend your money...

Somewhere in federal offices, there are two potted plants that cost taxpayers $975 each, a $1,000 doorbell and three rolling blinds worth $1,400.

And that's not even mentioning the $1,000 charge to remove and reconnect a light switch.

QUESTION: How many Tories does it take to change a light switch?

ANSWER: We don't know, but the bill is a cool grand.

And all of this, which the Federal government has actually stood up in Parliament and defended with straight faces, goes to their favorite building managers SNC-Lavalin.

The group oversees some 320 federal properties across the land.

Whose cousin are they?

How did they get all this biz?

Does anybody monitor their performance?

Can you say, "Corruption?" Boys and Girls.

But soft...

It's just that we don't understand the issues.

You see...

Charlie Rate, executive vice-president at SNC-Lavalin, acknowledged that “$1,000 sounds ridiculous for a doorbell.” However, he explained the cost included a voltage transformer and 15 metres of wiring, as well as drywall and a paint job.

“You get up to that number quite quickly,” Mr. Rate said. “These are justifiable when you look at the details behind them.”

Regarding the two exotic plants, he explained the pots included irrigating systems, and that the total cost included delivery and fertilizing, among other things.

Now, aren't we feeling better?

Irrigating systems and fertilizing, right.

With real good manure, no doubt.

Berry Berry Berry Patch

It's instructive to listen to Malcolm Brodie, the Mayor of Richmond kvetching about a recent purchase by his government.

Richmond just paid 5 times the going price for a piece of land.

The government of Canada and the Musqueam band received almost $60 Million for a piece of real estate that was clocked at less than $10 Million.

Brodie voted against this purchase.

And here's what he had to say:

“We bought the land controlled by the agricultural land commission. But what we can do with it? Neither council nor the community has a common vision. To do this without public input has some real drawbacks."

"To do this without public input has some real drawbacks."

That's my favorite part.

Brodie and his City Manager built the skating oval with almost NO input from Richmond citizens.

Now, you can argue that all of that has turned out just fine and you may be right.

But either you work with your community or you don't.

For the good Mayor to complain at this late date is a little disingenuous.

Meanwhile, back at the berry patch...

Richmond City Council has no plans for their new acquisition.

It must be a marvelous luxury to be able to spend $60 Million worth of taxpayers money on something you'll just hang on to for a while until you can think of a fun thing to to with it.

American Heart

The New World

The Globe's front page story today is about the New Face of Canada.

In short, it is and will be "visible minority" face.

That is bringing and will continue to bring new excitement, new possibilities, and new challenges and struggles as cultures rub hard up against one another.

Canada, since the European invasions, has always been a country of immigrants.

Until now, the new Canadians have been largely, mostly, white Europeans.

That caused enough friction and comedy.

Now, every second citizen is from China or India or Africa and a hundred other places round the world.

On the same front page, the niqab/burka melodrama continues in Quebec.

If any story reveals the "challenges," this is it.

What is so interesting is that the Quebec authorities have been absolutely unequivocal.

“There is no ambiguity on this question: If you want to [attend] our classes, if you want to integrate in Quebec society, here our values are that we want to see your face,” Immigration Minister Yolande James said.

On Monday, Christine St-Pierre, the Quebec minister responsible for the status of women, called the niqab and burka “ambulatory prisons” that violate a woman's right to equality.

To complicate matters, the Muslim Canadian Congress, which has called for a ban, applauded Quebec's attitude toward the niqab and burka.

“This is an attire worn in the desert during sandstorms. It's got nothing to do with religion,” said Tarek Fatah, founder of the congress. “It's a very clear sign that women are the possessions of men, and it's being thrust on North America and Europe. Most Muslims are fed up with the niqab and burka.”

It is rare in this politically correct, terribly self-conscious country to see this kind of clear, declamatory positioning.

There is so much that new Canadians bring to the mix -p new and old energies and ideas, wealth, enthusiasm.

And there is so much that we are afraid to ask of new Canadians.

The written driver's test in British Columbia should not be available in 170 languages, including dozens of local Chinese dialects, peculiar to regions and town in the People's republic. It should be available in our two official languages, French and English. Period.

A month ago, I stepped out of a coffee shop to speak to three young men.

I was friendly and polite and non-threatening.

I said Hi and asked where they were from.

When they told me Korea, I greeted them in one of the few Korean phrases I know.

They were pleased.

That allowed me to point out that I had been sitting in the window having my coffee and in the last few minutes I had watched one of them spit on the side walk six times.

I added that 1) I found this personally disgusting and sickening; 2) Spitting on the sidewalk is against the law in BC; & 3) It's a cultural thing. It's just not done here.

The boys were very kind and respectful and offered that they didn't know any of this and that they would be mindful to not continue this habit.

We all shook hands.

But the question remains...

Why didn't they know?

Because we are not spending time with new Canadians and short-term student Canadians and telling them a few simple truths about their new home.

My mother - may she rest in peace - told me years ago that the future of humankind was..."somewhat chocolate."

In another words, the only and best and inevitable way that we will get past all the racial and other differences in the Family of Man/Woman will be intermarriage.

She was right.

But until we get there, we could do a lot better job about honestly getting to know one another and being clear about our mutual expectations.

Art Smart

The Vancouver Art gallery is fighting about its future.

Location, that is.

Stay put and dig down deep for more space.

Or move to that former bus depot spot near the QE?

Many have rightly argued that the VAG doesn't really have the stellar collection that would warrant really really big bucks being spent on a monumental edifice designed by some terribly famous world-beating architect.

But I disagree.

I think a monumental edifice designed by some terribly famous world-beating architect is exactly what Vancouver needs.

That's what cities do.

They declare themselves.

Boldly.

They commission Big Guys & Dolls to build Big Stuff and we all look at the thing every day in passing and every few months we even go in and gawk around and have an expensive coffee and buy a few over-priced note cards and call it a day out.

Why not?

That's what cities have always done all over the world.

Build it and they will come.

School kids and tourists come and pay money. People buy souvenirs. They spend money at hotels.

If we could spend gazillions on Olympics and Trade & Convention Centres, why not spent a bundle on a terrific new crazy-looking beautiful controversial Vancouver Art Gallery?

And while we're at it let's throw in a music and theatre complex.

We laughingly call ourselves a world-class city.

We delude ourselves that the Olympic event - for all that it was great fun and came off beautifully - will now transform us and put us on the map.

Get serious.

Build a new Art Gallery.

Hold a world-wide open competition.

Hire the best.

Spend the money.

Do it.

Wheeeeeee...

Heaven.

Eden.

No Starbucks.

No Tim's.

No Big Mac.

Welcome to the tough, free-thinking pristine community of Tofino.

The local town council is drafting a bill outlawing these and other fast-food chains.

I love it.

Tofino, you rock!

Friends and Neighbours

I made the mistake of stopping by a neighbour's front porch the other day.

Soon we were discussing books.

I talked about the two books I reviewed here on Sunday.

Soon we were talking about the imperial itch and how so many nation states have destroyed and subjugated so many others in the most awful and violent and terminal ways.

All of this was...well, neighbourly, until the following emerged.

"And now, of course, the Hebrews, are doing exactly the same thing to the Palestinians," said my neighbour.

Our friendship, such as it is, was saved by my cell phone ringing.

I was distracted and then taken away by the urgency of the call.

Of course, this unfortunate moment has stayed with me.

The Hebrews.

Not the Israelis.

That would be the 7 Million Israelis who are living on a narrow strip of land surrounded by 100 million others who wish them dead, who have sworn for more than half a century now to kill them all and remove them from the region, who have tried exactly that numerous times.

Make no mistake, Israel has done some god-awful dreadful things.

No excuses.

Meanwhile, Arabs and Jews work and worship side by side in Israel and Arabs are significantly represented in Parliament.

And Israel - not the Hebrews - continues to live under bombardments and the constant threat of annihilation...of promised and sworn and dedicated annihilation.

But my dear old lovely gardening neighbour in the leafy sleepy sanctuary of West Point Grey has the "Hebrews" down as world criminals and murderers.

Safety and spare time are wonderful bounties and much to be enjoyed.

NEXT!

The Canadian Booksellers Association wants Canada to reject Amazon from opening a distribution centre here.

The Canadian Booksellers Association is mostly Heather Reisman, as in Heather's Picks, as in Chapters/Indigo.

This is the leviathan that ate your neighbourhood independent book store with the support and backing of her millionaire husband.

In place of some one you once knew and could talk with about books, you are now faced with a Costco/Home Depot/Safeway book buying experience.

Which is why I buy most of my books from the few remaining little stores that exist - and from Amazon.com.

You know why I buy from Amazon.com?

It's cheaper and faster and more pleasant.

Search, click, buy.

Less than a week later, the book's in my mailbox.

It's interesting to watch Heather kvetch.

The problems of the Canadian book writing, publishing and selling businesses will not be resolved by keeping Amazon out of the dominion.

GordoLand

Playgrounds, the environment, adult sports and adult arts and culture are OUT.

The Evergreen Line - with no money to fund it - is IN.

The suits at the Board of Trade lunch are cheering madly.

Life Under Campbell continues at a healthy pace.

A Certain Smile

Gary Mason has written an interesting piece today about the Mayor of Vancouver.

He calls Gregor Robertson "Mr. Happy."

That's funny.

Was it intended?

Many of us unrelenting adolescents call a certain favorite part of our anatomy by the same name.

Casting that consideration but momentarily aside, Mason advises us that Robertson is aiming higher.

That is, higher personal and professional and civic goals.

There is no question that the G Man is a nice fellow and he has a nice smile.

Hey - it's a start.

Justice Way Delayed

The Air India perjury trial has stopped before it's begun.

It is alleged that a juror had made a remark that another member considered to suggest racial bias.

The judge had no choice but to dismiss group one and fund group two.

Question: Is this a tactic by the bombers and their friends?

Rare Clarity

Insite doesn't do enough to change addicts

By Susan Martinuk

Calgary Herald

March 5, 2010

Corey Ogilvie wanted to document life in Vancouver's notorious downtown eastside (DTES) by spending 30 days living alongside the residents of North America's poorest, most destitute and drug-infested neighbourhood. Film clips of his journey are posted on the Internet and, as one would expect, are highly revealing.

In one clip, he determines he must do drugs to understand addiction. While coming down from a crack high, he decides to try heroin. So his street buddies send him to Insite, Vancouver's safe injection site.

Ogilvie's smuggled camera reveals Insite staff doing everything but stick the needle in his arm as they aid him in his quest. A staff member shows him how to prepare the heroin, fill the syringe and find a vein. He's clearly a novice and the worker asks the obvious question, "So, can I ask? Why the drug use?"

When Ogilvie fails to offer much of a response, the worker offers an upbeat, "It's OK. You don't have to say anything. It's not a big deal."

I don't believe that Ogilvie had any intention of showing how ludicrous life can be at Insite but, intended or not, that's the lasting effect of the above.

The problem is, shooting up drugs is a big deal. Those who work in the DTES and see the harmful impact of drug addiction should understand that better than most. But no one at Insite wants to be the bad guy and make the judgment that injection drug use is bad. Hence, even those trying drugs for the first time are not questioned. (I hope the word doesn't get out to young teens who would be thrilled with a safe place to experiment with new drugs.)

Consequently, up to 800 people float through the facility each day, getting clean needles or shooting up in a clean facility under the watchful, non-judgmental eye of nurses and Insite employees.

No doubt troubled by my columns that question the twisted philosophy that underlies safe injection sites (that nothing can change the behaviour of a drug addict, so we might as well try to limit the damage by offering addicts clean facilities and basic medical/ social support), Insite leaders recently invited me for a guided tour of the facility.

I was very impressed with the sincerity and concern that Insite staff have for those who come through their doors. They are truly kind and compassionate, and provide addicts with a very human (and humanizing) element to their day. For that, I offer kudos.

Yet I came away thinking that Insite's main gauge of success is engagement, not treating addiction, reducing numbers of addicts or providing addicts with a way out. Maybe social interaction is enough for some, but I remain unconvinced that facilitating drug injections and perpetuating a destructive lifestyle is the best way to afford someone their human dignity. These non-judgmental interactions may make addicts feel better about their behaviour, but I didn't sense that the Insite philosophy had any room for the notion that addicts could actually change their behaviour -- at least not the addicts in the DTES.

Insite does have 12 detox beds and 18 'transitional' beds for those who are hoping to get into treatment. They have daily programs such as yoga, health care or counselling for these residents. But, again, I never got the sense that they had much hope for addicts beyond the Insite facilities.

Insite leaders seemed uncertain about what treatment facilities existed and where they were located, but still insisted that they weren't the kind of facilities that would be a good fit for DTES addicts. I'm under no illusion that there are sufficient treatment facilities available, but isn't any addict going to be out-of-his-comfort zone in an addiction treatment facility? Since the intent is to change lifestyle patterns, I would certainly hope so.

If DTES addicts really require a different kind of treatment facility, then why aren't we providing them with one instead of spending millions on a facility that fuels the addiction?

I can already see the letters saying, "Martinuk lacks compassion" or "she's a mean, hard-line, right wing ideologue." But, in truth, I am writing out of compassion for addicts entrenched in the DTES culture. The difference is, contrary to the safe injection site, my compassion moves me to do what I can to set them free.

Pahik Abhou

Should Canadian colleges be more tolerant of Islamic fundamentalism than Cairo's universities?

That's the question being asked by Lysiane Gagnon in her Globe column today about the niqab and the burka.

The top Islamic cleric in Egypt said students and teachers at Cairo's Al-Azhar University would not be allowed to wear face veils in classrooms and dorms on the grounds they had “nothing to do with Islam.”

So why is it OK in Canadian Universities?

A woman in a French-language class for immigrants is fighting her expulsion from class.

Read the details of what really went on in that classroom...

Then, tell me about the limts, if any, of cultural and religious accomodation.

And now, the Other News

Justine Hunter, writing from Victoria in the Globe this morning, points out the gritty specifics of how the provincial government will slowly release the various bits of bad news about its current budget.

You have diabetes and you are on income assistance.

Tough.

No more blood-glucose meters for you.

"We felt these were frankly add-ons that weren't necessary to healthy living of folks on social assistance."

That's a quote from Rich Coleman, our hosing...uh, Housing and Social Development Minister.

Food banks and arts groups will get less money.

Your hydro bill will go up almost 10% in the coming days, and the huge surplus at ICBC that could have and should have been returned to drivers with good records, has instead been swiped by the government for general revenues.

Yes, the Olympics has changed us all.

Profoundly.

SUNDAY BOOK REVIEWS

Health Care Shock!

B.C. doctors prepared to fund nurses' pay

Hahahahaha...

Doctors at a cash-strapped hospital in the Kootenays are proposing to pay nurses out of their own pockets to keep operating rooms running.

And why not?

If the nurses don't work, neither do the doctors, so their intentions are both self-serving and helpful to others, including the forgotten person in the equation - the famous patient.

Of course, this kind of magnanimityfariousnosity is so unprecedented that a health care administrator was heard mumbling, “I haven't heard of any precedent like this. In terms of the implications, the Interior Health Authority has to do some research."

Hahahaha...

Will they be doing that research on the weekend?